Study Finds 100% Of Men Cooking On Grill Just Kinda Moving Meat Around And Hoping For The Best

[Richard Cranium]

May 13, 2024

WACO, TX — With summer barbecue season about to heat up, a new study has found that a remarkable 100% of men cooking on a grill were just kinda moving meat around and hoping for the best.

The new findings confirmed what many experts had long suspected, meaning hundreds of millions of men wearing "grillmaster" aprons had been flying by the seats of their cargo pants all along.

"It turns out all these guys are just out there winging it," said Professor Thurston Billingsley, who led the research team. "Though men often talk a big game about knowing all there is to know about grilling meat, they are, in reality, just poking at sausages and flipping pieces of meat haphazardly without knowing the outcome whatsoever."

When reached for comment on the study results, one man came clean. "Yes… yes, it's true. God forgive me, it's true," said self-professed grilling aficionado Scotty Moon. "I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm just out there shoving meat around to different areas on the grill and hoping for the best. I can do everything exactly like I did the last time, but it never turns out the same twice in a row. Why is that? Why?!"

The study also confirmed that all men purchase as many grilling tools and accessories as possible in order to maintain the facade.

At publishing time, the research team was preparing to move on to its next study, which would determine what percentage of men had no idea how a toilet actually worked or how to fix one.

 

[chargervert]

Bill Gates wants us grilling bugs and fungus instead of steaks and is buying up all the farmland to make it happen.

 

[AR67GTX]

I pretty much fit in that study group.

 

[toolmanmike]

Professor Thurston Billingsley? What kind of a name is that? Self professed expert? It sounds like the professor is the one flying by the seat of his pants. I hope his report above is satire because it sure isn't correct. I can cook meat and fix a toilet. Take that Thurston! You asswipe.

 

[ckessel]

I try to stay focused and not multi task when queuing. Otherwise it can come out Cajun Blackened my way or overdone.

 

[Don Frelier]

Well I don't see any beer on that grille shelf.

So that guy is an amateur.

I've occassionally tried to do something/finish something in the barn between flips of burgers and chicken.
Usually I get away with it. (Wife likes it more well done)

 

[toolmanmike]

And as far as tools? I am the tool man but I only use a large spatula for burgers, fish, and potatoes and veggies. The stuff that is loose or won't stay together. I use tongs to flip and a thermometer for internal temps. (that's the success tool right there) Reverse seared smoked Iowa chops in the photos.

 

[SlingLow]

As I like to say: Don't let your meat loaf!

 

[toolmanmike]

As I like to say: Don't let your meat loaf!

You're right. And then there's this.

 

[Charged440]

If you're lookin, you ain't cookin.

 

[cr8crshr]

Professor Thurston Billingsley? What kind of a name is that? Self professed expert? It sounds like the professor is the one flying by the seat of his pants. I hope his report above is satire because it sure isn't correct. I can cook meat and fix a toilet. Take that Thurston! You asswipe.

Well, at least his name isn't Benjamin Throckmorton Quigley Esq, 3rd!!! I can grill mister with the best of them but there is only one person...not on here anymore...that is an absolute master of it and that is my Brother Jon!!! Miss his wizardry at smoking and grilling...cr8crshr/Bill

 

[RJ Squirrel]

Move your meat around and hope for the best? Is he talking about bbq-ing or sex in your 60’s?

 

[Budnicks]

Professor Thurston Billingsley? What kind of a name is that? Self professed expert? It sounds like the professor is the one flying by the seat of his pants. I hope his report above is satire because it sure isn't correct. I can cook meat and fix a toilet. Take that Thurston! You asswipe.

 

[eldubb440]

true story......... guy at the other end of my street, about 2 miles away; I don't know him

anyway, as I'm driving that direction; I notice a cloud of smoke ....... dude was cooking on a grille in his attached car port to close too a wall, and caught his vinyl siding on fire....... I got there early on and tried to help, but it got out of hand quickly.

Dumb *** burnt his house down

 

[68gtxman]

Another true story. I was the Project Manager of a 1,000 kids elementary school project in Camden NJ. I brought in my old BBQ grille from home to the job site when I bought a new one. I bought burgers and hot dogs to celebrate the job site grille and passed the word around to all the workers that Friday was free burgers and dogs. Only a few men showed up for lunch. One of them said “hey, we used to do this out in civil engineering (USAF) on Fridays in the summer, this is great!” I said: “hey, I was in CE myself and yes, we often grilled on Fridays! What the hell is wrong with these construction workers? They don’t want free BBQ!?” Well, it turned out that that guy worked for me many years before (I didn’t recognize him and vice versa). Then, we quickly determined that we knew each other. Funny thing was, he was the structural inspector on my project. Fun times, and man, the USAF got it right so many times!!!

 

[Budnicks]

I don't know many construction guys to turn down a good BBQ
hog dogs & hamburgers, potato salad &/or coleslaw, chip & dips
especially for FREE !!
On Fridays or any other day...

I used to bring BBQ & beer (beer at my warehouse, not the dealerships)
a lot of times & most Fridays were 1/2 days, unless something was urgent
most all of the crew would stay & eat still...
Girlfriends & wives would occasionally show up too

(so would people from the dealership we worked at, especially the
Concord dealerships I knew almost everyone there... Or I'd do it outside
at my warehouse, they all had to come back there anyway)

So would a few guys that had **** to do or kids to pick up or something
like a kids/sports or a game etc., no harm no foul, leave after you eat a burger
but most all of then would stay, for a while
if they didn't have something planned already...
The younger workers, mostly hourly temp./union guys weren't really into it...
They'd bail & go their own way...
No big deal...

We quit early on Fridays & would be done eating by like 2-3pm at the latest
most knew don't bring lunch on Fridays, it's on me...

We did Pizza on 1/2 days Fridays too, once a month, usually the 3rd Friday
all on my dime too

I also used to have some infamous MNF parties almost every Monday Night
Football season or not...
It was known at all the Concord dealership, come one come all
maybe 10-20 people, semi regularly...
We'd (like 7-8 or so of US) share duties
who's turn it was to cook &/or pay for it
some was paid for by recycle take off stuff, aluminum etc.
from parts they sold at the dealerships parts dept.
recycle the take offs, to pay for it...
It was full blown meals, several course, sometimes simple & sometimes
drinks/beer, chips dip, snacks & play pool, watch sports, go swimming...
We had some great blowout dinners, extravagant stuff even...
These guys loved to eat & drink, party...
Many of my longtime piecework guys, especially the single guys, would show up
some brought +1 they were welcomed to go swim & BBQ too...

But;
It was a standing invitation deal from like 1987 to 1997
until when I moved to Rancho Murieta & semi retired...
Lisa loved doing it too starting in like early 1990's, hell she did some without me there
when I was still out on the road coming back from somewhere, we loved to entertain
even while I was racing & got home late etc.

 

[hdwrench]

we’ll i guess we’re busted , guilty as charged. i’ll gladly hand over my grill tools to the next qualified attendee. i will be available to coach or stand in if an emergency arrises , just give me a minute to set down my beer ….

 

[padam]

Move your meat around and hope for the best? Is he talking about bbq-ing or sex in your 60’s?

Or teens iirc

 

[1STMP]

May 13, 2024

View attachment 1662785




WACO, TX — With summer barbecue season about to heat up, a new study has found that a remarkable 100% of men cooking on a grill were just kinda moving meat around and hoping for the best.

The new findings confirmed what many experts had long suspected, meaning hundreds of millions of men wearing "grillmaster" aprons had been flying by the seats of their cargo pants all along.

"It turns out all these guys are just out there winging it," said Professor Thurston Billingsley, who led the research team. "Though men often talk a big game about knowing all there is to know about grilling meat, they are, in reality, just poking at sausages and flipping pieces of meat haphazardly without knowing the outcome whatsoever."

When reached for comment on the study results, one man came clean. "Yes… yes, it's true. God forgive me, it's true," said self-professed grilling aficionado Scotty Moon. "I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm just out there shoving meat around to different areas on the grill and hoping for the best. I can do everything exactly like I did the last time, but it never turns out the same twice in a row. Why is that? Why?!"

The study also confirmed that all men purchase as many grilling tools and accessories as possible in order to maintain the facade.

At publishing time, the research team was preparing to move on to its next study, which would determine what percentage of men had no idea how a toilet actually worked or how to fix one.

"Professor Thurston Billingsley" is incorrect
in that 100% of grillers just
wing it.
I'm not about to throw a $25
bone in ribeye on the grill
moving it around, hoping
for the best outcome.
I've spent some time in
a restaurant environment
insuring the patrons got
exactly what they asked
for. Never had a single
steak returned. I practice
the same care when I
BBQ in my own back yard.
I surely hope this was
posted with the sarcasm
tag not installed, and your
usual exemptilary sense
of humor shining thru.

 

[f569]

Professor Thurston Billingsley? What kind of a name is that? Self professed expert? It sounds like the professor is the one flying by the seat of his pants. I hope his report above is satire because it sure isn't correct. I can cook meat and fix a toilet. Take that Thurston! You asswipe.

Well, depending on the order of those two endeavors I hope you washed your hands!