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May 18, 2024
Should we measure things in inches or centimeters? Pounds or kilograms? Miles or whatever it is they use in Europe? The answer is clear: we should use American units as God intended. The metric system was invented by Communists to overthrow capitalism and institute a New World Order. Luckily, America has stood as the last bastion of sanity with our awesome measuring units (with some Canadians and British helping out here and there, though they have compromised with the heathens).
Here are 10 real-life examples of why the American way is better:
The length of an average foot
American units: 1 foot.
Metric units: 0.0003048 kilometers. This makes literally no sense.
A cup of coffee
American units: 1 cup.
Metric units: 236.588 milliliters. Also it's probably disgusting tea.
The weight of a single potato
American units: 1 potato. Sensible and clear.
Metric units: 34 decigrams or something? Terrible. What does that even mean?
Distance to the local Buc-ee's
American units: About 10 minutes down 35. If you hit the third gun range you've gone too far.
Metric units: "What's a Buc-ee's?" America is the clear winner here yet again.
Beer you take to a party
American units: A 6-pack.
Metric units: 2130 milliliters. So dumb. "Hey fellas, I'll pick up 2130 milliliters at the liquor store on the way over. Let's party!" Awful.
Fuel capacity of your big pickup truck
American units: 350 gallons
Metric units: 56.4 Liters or something? Gaaaaaay! Also, the truck is probably illegal and you just take the Communist train to work or "walk" to "help the environment" laaaame.
Fahrenheit 451
American units: Fahrenheit 451. Clean. Precise. Accurate.
Metric units: Willyknickers 26748.46299. Is this a hot temperature? A cold one? Who knows?
Distance from home plate to the pitcher's mound
American units: 60 feet, 6 inches. As God designed it to be.
Metric units: Does not even have baseball. Only has soccer. And you know what? In soccer, they don't even say "zero" right. They say "nil." And they call it "football", so you even have to convert the name of the sport. Because of the metric system. Because of wokeness.
Measurement of how obnoxious someone is
American units: 1 douche. Easy to remember and also funny to say.
Metric units: 3.27 Simon Cowells. Just try doing that conversion in your head. You can't. It's impossible.
Flock of geese
American units: 1 flock.
Metric units: 23.8 Knickywacker Honkyfarthings.
OK, we rest our case. If you think the metric system is useful for anyone other than math nerds and dorky scientists pouring chemicals into beakers, then you're probably a Communist. What's your favorite American unit of measurements? Let us know in the comments.
Should we measure things in inches or centimeters? Pounds or kilograms? Miles or whatever it is they use in Europe? The answer is clear: we should use American units as God intended. The metric system was invented by Communists to overthrow capitalism and institute a New World Order. Luckily, America has stood as the last bastion of sanity with our awesome measuring units (with some Canadians and British helping out here and there, though they have compromised with the heathens).
Here are 10 real-life examples of why the American way is better:
The length of an average foot
American units: 1 foot.
Metric units: 0.0003048 kilometers. This makes literally no sense.
A cup of coffee
American units: 1 cup.
Metric units: 236.588 milliliters. Also it's probably disgusting tea.
The weight of a single potato
American units: 1 potato. Sensible and clear.
Metric units: 34 decigrams or something? Terrible. What does that even mean?
Distance to the local Buc-ee's
American units: About 10 minutes down 35. If you hit the third gun range you've gone too far.
Metric units: "What's a Buc-ee's?" America is the clear winner here yet again.
Beer you take to a party
American units: A 6-pack.
Metric units: 2130 milliliters. So dumb. "Hey fellas, I'll pick up 2130 milliliters at the liquor store on the way over. Let's party!" Awful.
Fuel capacity of your big pickup truck
American units: 350 gallons
Metric units: 56.4 Liters or something? Gaaaaaay! Also, the truck is probably illegal and you just take the Communist train to work or "walk" to "help the environment" laaaame.
Fahrenheit 451
American units: Fahrenheit 451. Clean. Precise. Accurate.
Metric units: Willyknickers 26748.46299. Is this a hot temperature? A cold one? Who knows?
Distance from home plate to the pitcher's mound
American units: 60 feet, 6 inches. As God designed it to be.
Metric units: Does not even have baseball. Only has soccer. And you know what? In soccer, they don't even say "zero" right. They say "nil." And they call it "football", so you even have to convert the name of the sport. Because of the metric system. Because of wokeness.
Measurement of how obnoxious someone is
American units: 1 douche. Easy to remember and also funny to say.
Metric units: 3.27 Simon Cowells. Just try doing that conversion in your head. You can't. It's impossible.
Flock of geese
American units: 1 flock.
Metric units: 23.8 Knickywacker Honkyfarthings.
OK, we rest our case. If you think the metric system is useful for anyone other than math nerds and dorky scientists pouring chemicals into beakers, then you're probably a Communist. What's your favorite American unit of measurements? Let us know in the comments.
