Maybe instead of preaching, everyone should try listening.
I was thinking about this yesterday and trying to cool off about it a bit. I realized a few things. First, someone considering suicide isn't thinking about others. They are thinking about themselves. Trying to figure themselves out. Trying to figure out what is going on inside their own head; inside their own life. Period. It is truly the ultimate selfish act, and that is the root of it as well as being the guide to stopping it.
You have NO idea what goes on inside the head of someone contemplating taking their own life, unless/until you have been there yourself.
Many times...THEY have no idea until it is over - one way, or the other.
Don't tell...ASK.
Don't talk...LISTEN.
If you are trying to help someone in that situation, as soon as you use the word "I"...you've lost. YOU, are not the point. YOU, are not the focus. THEY are. YOU, do not matter. Only THEY do.
As soon as you try to TELL them something...you lose the battle. They will build a wall immediately. Part of that is the stigma that this is a "weakness"; part of that is human nature, and when you are most vulnerable you are most susceptible to human nature. This is not about convincing them of anything; it is about helping them convince themselves. Learning about themselves. This is a discovery process, not a lesson. Ask questions - through that, not only do YOU learn things...but so do they. THEY start to explore what is going on, in their own way and at their own pace, and what the thought process is that has led them there, and from there, with guidance and support, they can begin to explore why they are there...and possibly/hopefully, how to get out.
Suicide is ABSOLUTELY a choice. But, it's a choice made with incomplete data. People need to be able to discover ALL the data; ALL the factors. You can't tell them; you have to ASK them, until they start to discover it for themselves.
TELLING them? Pisses them off and minimizes their value (which is generally the root cause of the whole thing anyway).
Comparing them to others? Same thing.
Telling them what they're doing is hurting others? Same result.
ASK them. Let THEM talk. And if you can't handle it (most cannot; we are not wired to think this way, we're wired for self-preservation; many people simply can't comprehend the process these people are going through, and have no idea what to do), find someone who can. Someone trained and qualified. Don't tell them...guide them. Better yet, bring the pro to them, introduce them as a friend, and sit and talk. About anything BUT what's going on at first. Avoid the pressure. Avoid the analysis. Avoid the sense of purpose. Just....be with them. Think of an abused dog - you have to simply be with them and get them to trust you, before anything else can happen.
If you've had people "die in your arms"...forget them. They are gone. It sucks, but it's a fact. You have to focus - solely - on the person still in front of you, if you want to do any good. And if you're worried about yourself in any of this process...you are not the right person for the job. Period.
In the end...it is up to THEM, not you. As noted above - some can cut it, some can't. You can't carry them. That will only postpone it. They have to do it themselves. There is no other way. All you can do is guide, support, and try to help them learn. It is the most graphic representation of Natural Selection - survival of the fittest, only the strong survive. Again - it sucks. But...that's what it is. Period. If you don't like it; if you can't cope with it...hand it off, because you will do more harm than good by fumbling around.
It isn't about you saving them.
It's all about helping them learn how to save themselves.
Some can...some can't.
