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Not a meme BUT:
Advice for aging men:
Don’t make long-term investments (including buying green bananas)
Never trust a fart
Never waste an erection.
If you can no longer hit the bullseye with your favorite rifle at 500 yards, move the target (much) closer and use a .22 instead.
Take a daily dose of Viagra (sildenafil), which may cause other physiological problems but so what — erections are more important than any of those, right? Believe it or not, the ability to get an erection is more psychologically beneficial than people realize — and it’s a lot more effective than uppers or “mood adjusters” (as pushed by Big Pharma).
Accept that your looming death will not be a tragedy, but a blessed relief. (It may well be a tragedy to your loved ones, but that’s not really your problem anymore, is it?)
Ignore all doctors, because they’re a bunch of killjoy busybodies and their advice, if not generally wrong, is usually going to require that you give up life’s little pleasures like warm buttered bread, single malt Scotch or red meat.
Forget all regrets. In most cases, you can’t do anything about missed opportunities — seduction of your hot neighbor from twenty years ago didn’t happen then, and it ain’t gonna happen now — and continually kicking yourself about not having bought Microsoft or Apple stock back in the late 1970s when it cost $2.25 a share is as counterproductive as wishing you’d never married that b*tch in the late 1970s as well. Let it go.
Don’t worry about the fact that you may be dead when the Glorious Day comes and the Commies are being lined up against the wall. I know, that sucks: nobody wants to gun down Commies more than I do. But if that wonderful opportunity escapes me because I’ve already moved to a dirt condo, at least I know that I’ve left enough ammo to my heirs so they can do the job for me.
Carry a gun, everywhere. Make your assailant’s life miserable, even at the cost of your own You are no longer able to brawl like you used to, so let John Moses Browning or Sergei Kalashnikov help you out instead.
Forget trying to learn stuff, other than for the sheer joy of acquiring knowledge. Chances are you’re going to forget the details anyway, and in all probability, all the learning you’ve acquired so far will be more than adequate for your needs from now on.
Ignore everything that anyone from government tells you. It’s either a blatant lie, or else it’s wrong. If someone from the Census Bureau wants you to fill out some form which tells them all about you and your life, tell them to f*ck off. If some apparatchik demands that you show them some document or other, tell them you lost it.
Be prepared to accept the consequences of all the above advice.
Advice for aging men:
Don’t make long-term investments (including buying green bananas)
Never trust a fart
Never waste an erection.
If you can no longer hit the bullseye with your favorite rifle at 500 yards, move the target (much) closer and use a .22 instead.
Take a daily dose of Viagra (sildenafil), which may cause other physiological problems but so what — erections are more important than any of those, right? Believe it or not, the ability to get an erection is more psychologically beneficial than people realize — and it’s a lot more effective than uppers or “mood adjusters” (as pushed by Big Pharma).
Accept that your looming death will not be a tragedy, but a blessed relief. (It may well be a tragedy to your loved ones, but that’s not really your problem anymore, is it?)
Ignore all doctors, because they’re a bunch of killjoy busybodies and their advice, if not generally wrong, is usually going to require that you give up life’s little pleasures like warm buttered bread, single malt Scotch or red meat.
Forget all regrets. In most cases, you can’t do anything about missed opportunities — seduction of your hot neighbor from twenty years ago didn’t happen then, and it ain’t gonna happen now — and continually kicking yourself about not having bought Microsoft or Apple stock back in the late 1970s when it cost $2.25 a share is as counterproductive as wishing you’d never married that b*tch in the late 1970s as well. Let it go.
Don’t worry about the fact that you may be dead when the Glorious Day comes and the Commies are being lined up against the wall. I know, that sucks: nobody wants to gun down Commies more than I do. But if that wonderful opportunity escapes me because I’ve already moved to a dirt condo, at least I know that I’ve left enough ammo to my heirs so they can do the job for me.
Carry a gun, everywhere. Make your assailant’s life miserable, even at the cost of your own You are no longer able to brawl like you used to, so let John Moses Browning or Sergei Kalashnikov help you out instead.
Forget trying to learn stuff, other than for the sheer joy of acquiring knowledge. Chances are you’re going to forget the details anyway, and in all probability, all the learning you’ve acquired so far will be more than adequate for your needs from now on.
Ignore everything that anyone from government tells you. It’s either a blatant lie, or else it’s wrong. If someone from the Census Bureau wants you to fill out some form which tells them all about you and your life, tell them to f*ck off. If some apparatchik demands that you show them some document or other, tell them you lost it.
Be prepared to accept the consequences of all the above advice.
