Why is it that when we lose something close to us....

[gdrill]

That we then begin to consider and appreciate what we still have? Forgive the ramble here, as this has been on my mind all day, and I have to get what I'm thinking out. It goes right along with a song that I think really describes what I am getting at. When a member mentioned that his father had passed away I began to think. He said they were extremely close and how they were very proud of each other. I feel happy knowing that he and his father had a relationship like this, because I think it may be rather a rare situation in today's world.
I don't have the same story because my father passed away while I was a child. Therefore I didn't get this kind of opportunity. But I do have a daughter and a son, that I am very proud of. I have spent most of their growing years working away from home though. Something I sort of regret every day, but I have been a good provider so I tell myself it is justified. But now they are older and of course my wife and I see less of them all the time. The daughter has moved out and bought a house, which I am very proud of, and my son works every day, sometimes out of town for a week at a time. We are all close friends, but the time spent together is decreasing more all the time. I know this is part of the overall life schedule, but I often wonder if we realize what we truly have, or is it only when it's gone that we really notice?
I know in my work situation, I tell all the young fellows, that what we do is just a job and their family is number one and that is the only reason they are there. Quite often they want to work extra weeks and I suggest against it so they can go home and see their children growing up. And I tell them the extra money won't buy back the special things they miss while they are away. I think I do this because I realize what I missed in my own situation. I wish I could tell all young parents to slow down on trying to do everything and be everywhere all the time, if that makes sense, and concentrate on spending time with the little ones or even just each other, because at any time it can all be gone. That doesn't just mean that you can lose them either. I am thinking of when they lose you. Will they be able to look back, like our fellow member here, and say proudly, 'Man we were close and always did as much as we could together'?
You all know what I'm saying, I just felt that being near Christmas, a slight reminder of what is really important in life wouldn't be a bad thing. Sorry for the rambling, enjoy and appreciate the song that has been in my head all day.
George

http://youtu.be/KUwjNBjqR-c

 

[NJRR]

George- Well said. I lost my father 15 years ago and I still think of him everyday. I am the man I am because of him. I try to pass along all that he gave me to my son and daughter and I see so much of him in them. I consider myself very lucky and it has nothing to do with money or things or even Mopars. It's because of the great family life that I grew up with and that I have now. All the best. - Abe

 

[Clay Dots]

I can relate, I lost my father too at age five, aways wanted the family with a dad around and then I grew up and was too busy makin a living to spend much time with my daughter I raised, so I made sure I spend as much time as possible with my son. now 18 and going to school. I sing the song (Cats) in my head all the time when Im chattin with him on the phone listenin to him tell me about his new life..I know though he knows I will always be here for him and would do anything in the world to help him in anyway possible, hes a fine young man and Im very proud..,

 

[super-bee_ski]

gdrill,
Sadly, that song hits home to me.
My dad left when I was 15.
He "forsake" his family for another.
I re-kindled the relationship in the early 90s some 26 years later.
I was with him on his death bed when he passed in 2004.
Life can be sad...sometimes.

 

[moparcanuck]

I only saw my father once a month on a weekend until I was 8. After that, we were never close as he never tried. He and my mother were very selfish putting themselves first before my sister and I. They even fore sake my kids for their beloved cottage. He's 89 today and hasn't changed. I can forgive him for what he did to me but not for what he did to my kids. And he wonders why they don't visit him...

 

[ga66mopar]

In the last 5 or 6 years I would go over to my dads house around 7 every Sunday night. We would just sit down in his garage and talk about family members that had passed and all the things he had seen in his life. I wondered sometimes if I was bothering him. My mother told me yesterday that my dad was looking for me to show up every Sunday night and if I was running a little late he was wondering where I was. I was glad to hear that because I really cherish the memories. My boys are now in their teens and I doubt I will be around when they are in their forties so I have to make it count everyday.

 

[SteveSS]

My father had a terrible temper when I was growing up. We were still close and got closer as he aged. I hoped he would say sorry before he died but he never did. I am so close to my kids. I talk to my 23 year old daughter three times a day and see her once a week. I talk to my son once day and see him when he comes down from CSU. My wife left about 3 years ago and that sometimes puts a strain on the whole deal. She wants me to be nice to her now "For the kid's sake." but I just can't do it.

Wife's father was a workaholic and never there for his two kids. I'm not sure how nature or nurture comes into play on the gay thing. His son turned out gay and I wonder if him not being there had something to do with it. Both my kids love cars and my daughter named her kitty Mopar.

To answer your comment, I would rather be poor and have a good relationship with my kids than the other way around.

 

[Budnicks]

After losing my mother about 10 years ago, to complication from MS, she was only 69... My parents mortality was staring me right in the face... I wanted to reconnect with my real father Harvey/ol' Pops much more, while I still could... He divorced my mother when I was 18 months old, just a little baby... After my mom kicked him out, because she found out that he was cheating on her... He was basically just a sperm donor, until I was 13 y/o {when I moved in with him & his 3rd wife & her 4 kids, during my Sophomore-Senior HS years}... He had only visitation rights on 2 weekends a month, prior to that... He basically would pick us kids up & drop us off at my Aunt & Uncles house & go out to chase skirts & get drunk, then come back & pick us up, to take us home... He did take us camping & fishing allot I really remember them times fondly... I was raised by my mother alone until I was 6, she busted her a$$ working 2 jobs, to keep me & my 2 older sisters, well educated, in nice cloths, feed well & a roof over our heads, she was too busy for any romantic relationship... I never knew how poor we were until much latter years... She then married my step father Bob, a diehard car guy & drag racer, I spent allot of time with... Bob who now has had 2 operations for prostate cancer related problems, since my mom has passed he's been really elusive & reclusive, he doesn't want to be around my family much at all anymore, it's sad really... It's his way of coping I guess... Since 2005 I have been taking care of/co-habitation with my real father Harvey... We reconnected so to speak, we've become much closer than we were, when I was young... We even had a Golf business together for a while so I could spend more time with him, even with all his faults, until the 9/11 attacks & latter the stock market crash, when the economy tanked for a while & really killed my Golf business... And he's still very narcissistic & selfish {use to be a stumbling drunk too}, he has recently had to quit drinking alcohol completely, after over 60 years of boozing it up 24-30oz. a day everyday, he's allot better person now... But he's still my Father/Pops, you have to suck it up sometimes, do the right thing, even if they won't, even if it's hard to do... As many of you know he's had a battle with his health recently, because of his asthma, breathing & his heart now too, because of the heavy drinking mostly... Now he has to have heart surgery, a couple of stints minimum... It's a big wake up too me his mortality is staring me right in the face... No matter how things were, when I was young & he was only interested in chasing skirts & his own existence, late paying my financially struggling mother, her $105/$35 per/child a month child support, if he even paid it... He's still my Pops & I will do what ever I need to, to help him now... He doesn't spend as much time as I would like with his grandchildren or even great grandchildren {all my sisters kids}, even with me prodding him, to make a bigger effort, just not his thing... But he was from a different era, he's extremely independent, grew up thru WWII & Korean War, families had to scrimp allot more & until just very recently he has been opening up allot more... My sisters can't handle him full time, they are busy with life, so I sold my really nice house in Rancho Murieta & his cabin/house up in Mi Wuk Village & moved him out of the deep snow, to an area he likes {East Sonora, where I live now} to spend more time with him, as much as I can while he's still alive, it's not always easy if you can only imagine... He has never shown any remorse for what he did when we were younger, I don't think he ever will either, but he's mellowed some... I enjoy spending time talking about stuff I missed with him & what he was doing for allot of years...

They won't be with us forever so make the best of what you have... I'm glad I have a good relationship with the kids, even if I don't see them anywhere near as much as I would like to, they have their lives to live & are working hard, to make a better life for themselves... I'm very proud of that fact... Sorry for the rant & long winded story, but I agree with the original poster, take the time, do what ever you need to, they won't be with us forever...

 

[conv67bdere]

GDRILL - Well said and the voice of experience. What you're doing by suggesting that the fathers not work extra and go home to their families is honorable and very true. Unfortunately, when we're kids we all have this "dream" of what/where we want to be later in life - and we typically follow in our farther's footsteps of working hard to get there. But we don't really understand the trade offs in life until much later in life when it's too late. I've been blessed with this, my third employer, that they too have a belief ( as you ) that this is "only" your job to make money so that you can go and "live" your life. I've got 6 young kids, fresh out of college, working for me and they have never had any other employer - so they don't realize that the "rule of the company", at 5:00 PM you go home ( they will kick you out of the office if you try to stay late ) is really for their good. Today - these kids will not understand nor appreciate the blessing they have of working for this employer that doesn't "take their time and life" from them by allowing ( or forcing them ) to work overtime.

They don't understand ( yet ) how nice it is to walk out the door of the office at 5:00 PM each and every day and go home to their families / their lives / their activities and not be worked overtime as many employers do these days - with no regard for stealing their time and their lives away from them. If they ever leave to go to another employer, they will find this out and then, it may be too late.

Our view of our future goals tends to blind us of the most important things in life - our families and the time we spend with them.

I spent the last 4 years working with my Pop on a website for his Seniors Golf League in Tennessee - he was the Secretary for the league. We took the league from snail-mail to E-mail, online schedules, and website access to their results over this 4 year period. We were a great team and built a website that still gets lots of praise - but I lost my Pop just over a year ago, and now I'm bound and determined to finish his vision and complete this website. We really strengthened our bond over this time . . . and I'm grateful for that ! ! I miss the hours and hours we spent on the phone arguing over how to layout things, display it to the members, and format the data . . . and I'll forever miss those hours on the phone, but I'll never forget the closeness that we built while spending those hours and hours on the phone for 4 years.

My Pop developed a year long tournament for the league, that the member really enjoy, and the tournament was called the "Senior Cup". I've been asked to fill in as Secretary until we get the website done - at the first meeting following my Pop's passing, the President of the league proposed re-naming the "Senior Cup" in memory of my Pop . . . the motion was unanimously accepted . . . and I was overwhelmed with emotion . . . it was less than 2 weeks from losing my dad ( I could barely get the words out of my mouth to thank the group ).

Enjoy your time with your families now, every minute, while you can - you never know when they'll be called to their next life . . . As Budnicks said, they won't be here forever.

 

[69PLYRRUNNER]

Reading these post about our fathers really hits home when you read the words and began to understand the meaning and feelings that go with each word. The older I get the more my own mortality sits closer on my shoulder and has moved closer to the front of the train. Growing up my dad worked as an auto mechanic for awhile when I was younger. I always counted on him being there to help me when I had car trouble. Mostly he would do and I would be the gopher or the extra hand to hold this or that. I tried to grasp some of what he knew but won't ever be the mechanic he was and still is at 84 Being able to afford an older car, that we can "work" on together has been a blessing. I know that there is more time behind us than in front of us and I wish I could spend more time with him than I get too. The one thing that has happened that started out as being somewhat odd was that with my last child which was a girl. My dad is crazy over her and makes over her all the time. My mom told me that he never got to be the father that he wanted to be because of having to provide for a young family working long hours for himself that now he is enjoying his grandchildren the way he wished he could have his own........Below is a picture I took at a car show with an old truck he liked.