Elderly Parents: Finances and other Issues

[themechanic]

We have all heard of the stories about scams targeting the elderly. Older folks are not as tech savvy and tend to trust people which makes them prime targets for scams.

My sister and I are helping my 82 year old Mom who had a stroke several years ago that affected her short and long term memory. Mom has trouble remembering using her debit card, sometimes. She has had about 3 new cards issued in the past 6 months due to fraud. My sister had to clear up an issue with stolen identity with the IRS and someone using mom's SS#. Mom needs help but does not want to give up her privacy by letting us help keep track of her purchases or balancing her checking account. Due to ads targeted to older people on the iPhone and internet Mom buys a lot of crap she doesn't need and doesn't want us to know what she buys.

We setup direct draft from Mom's checking account for her cell phone and internet. My aunt owns Mom's house and pays all the bills. My sister pays Mom's insurance and deals with her taxes (she has Power of Attorney).

I'm sure as old as most of us are on here some of you are having the same issues with your elderly relatives. So, what advice do you have for those of us with elderly relatives?

 

[cbodybob]

We have all heard of the stories about scams targeting the elderly. Older folks are not as tech savvy and tend to trust people which makes them prime targets for scams.

My sister and I are helping my 82 year old Mom who had a stroke several years ago that affected her short and long term memory. Mom has trouble remembering using her debit card, sometimes. She has had about 3 new cards issued in the past 6 months due to fraud. My sister had to clear up an issue with stolen identity with the IRS and someone using mom's SS#. Mom needs help but does not want to give up her privacy by letting us help keep track of her purchases or balancing her checking account. Due to ads targeted to older people on the iPhone and internet Mom buys a lot of crap she doesn't need and doesn't want us to know what she buys.

We setup direct draft from Mom's checking account for her cell phone and internet. My aunt owns Mom's house and pays all the bills. My sister pays Mom's insurance and deals with her taxes (she has Power of Attorney).

I'm sure as old as most of us are on here some of you are having the same issues with your elderly relatives. So, what advice do you have for those of us with elderly relatives?

I have an 89 y/o mom in a nursing home that has dementia & tested positive for Covid this summer so she was quarantined. That’s not good for someone that has dementia. They finally let me in a room to see her 2 weeks ago. First time in the same room since March. I had to talk to her through her window most of the year. I am her power of attorney & handle all her affairs. It’s a job but I’ve been doing it 5 years now & have a routine. In North Carolina you need a financial POA to handle bills & checkbook & a medical POA to handle health care related issues which come up fairly often. Your state may be different. Also look into medalians if one or both parents own investments or real estate. I had to work with a series 7 license agent on that. Way too complicated to get into that on here. Just look into it if it applies to you. Get documents from doctors Incase Medicare declines coverage. It happened to my mom & I didn’t have the proper documents to correctly challenge their decision.

 

[themechanic]

My sister has both financial and medical POA for Mom. Mom is in good health for a woman of her age and is able to live alone with a medical alert device, daily calls and several visits by family and friends each week. Mom still drives a car (Mopar). The biggest problem she has is financial.

 

[cbodybob]

My sister has both financial and medical POA for Mom. Mom is in good health for a woman of her age and is able to live alone with a medical alert device, daily calls and several visits by family and friends each week. Mom still drives a car (Mopar). The biggest problem she has is financial.

The next time either parent goes to their regular doctor go with them & make sure the doc understands the importance of properly filled out records & to fully document the visits as best they can. One mistake on their part can be costly. I had to pay for 2 weeks of physical therapy @ $50 per day instead of $20 per day due to a doctor error in documentation. Plus $150 a day for a room.

 

[Wojo68]

My mom passed last year. My brother was zero help, so I was her POA. Biggest advice I can give,, if you’re the POA of a loved one, make sure you’re also the Executor of the Estate. When they pass, the POA is dissolved and now the Executor takes over. Never knew this and no one told me. Couple things after the fact were a huge pain in the *** because there was no Executor.

 

[Roger63]

If you're sister has financial POA then she should be able to put herself on the account. And possibly convince your mother to go on a monthly allowance. Otherwise if it's a serious problem then you will have to legally take control of her finances .

 

[themechanic]

Mom's stubborn. Doesn't want to give up her independence. My sister has financial poa. She can straighten things out at the credit union. It just happens so frequently she's getting frustrated.

My sister goes with Mom to her doctor's appointments. Sometimes they don't allow her presence during the exam.

 

[Roger63]

It's tough I know, I lost both of mine this year. Although I didn't have to manage either of them like you are doing.

 

[1967coronet]

Having set up direct withdrawal for your moms main bills is good .
Your sister , since she is POA for both medical and financial needs to speak with your moms sister ( since it sounds like she has been helping financially)
And also they need to talk to the bank about reducing the 24hr withdrawal limit on the debit card.
All that would have to be with your mothers approval.
As long as she has not been judged unfit mentally she can do as she wishes with her money.
I know it's a slippery slope I have been there myself, trying to figure out how to return 5 food processors . in the end money or the way they choose to spend theirs does not mean crap.
Just be there for them no matter what, that's all that counts.

 

[Hey-O]

Take a piece of everything said here, but at some point, you will have to put your foot down, for her own sake. Been there, done that and got a t-shirt. Best of luck!