Feb 28, 2023
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ANAHEIM, CA — The Southland was turned upside down this week as an unexpected weather pattern left the region blanketed by what experts were only able to call "massive amounts of Global Warming." Residents were told to remain indoors to avoid making direct contact with the Global Warming.
"Our world has officially ended," said California resident Luis Garcia. "We've been hearing about Global Warming for years now, but it has now fallen upon us and brought destruction with it." Though the final numbers were not yet reported, it is feared that perhaps dozens of people have been inconvenienced by this new outbreak of Global Warming.
Witnesses initially reported horrifically cold temperatures — with some areas dipping below 50 degrees, the temperature required to sustain the lives of Californians — though the temperature was later revealed to be the least of their worries. Fluffy, white hell soon began to descend onto areas of Southern California, covering pockets of the region with a dense blanket of even more Global Warming.
"The temperature of the earth has clearly risen far too high," said Professor Richard Davenport of the Save California Climate Institute. "We have tried to warn people about the danger of Global Warming for decades, and now it has resulted in slightly cooler temperatures than we're used to. Run for your lives, my fellow humans! It's going to be 47 degrees outside today! Fahrenheit!"
At publishing time, the entertainment industry was reportedly planning a star-studded telethon to raise awareness and money to save Californians from the horror of having to wear jackets during the day.
