Why women leave men they love – What every man needs to know

[Banzaiii67]

I think people stay married for different reason.
My advice to people is that someday the "passion" very well may leave, so marry your best friend.
Like Edith told Gloria when she was crying about the lack of you know what.
"The honeymoon has to end. Otherwise how will you get the house work done?"

Another great line from Jimmy Stewart in Shenandoah.
"I'm not asking if you love her. Do you like her?"

I like this.. I would assume I'm much younger than most on here. I'm 31 and have been married for 5 years, No kids yet. I'm sure things will change. But I can't imagine going on staying married If you partner isn't your best friend. Sounds cliche but it seems to be keeps people together through the rough times.

 

[Kayo]

Hey, aren't there any other women on this forum??? I deeply loved my first husband and I left him. He was certifiably insane, but was charming as hell and I was too naive when I met and fell in love with him to see that he was manipulating me (I was also 12 years his junior). I knew better than to have kids with him and told him I didn't want and wouldn't have kids so he should marry someone else if that was what he wanted. He married me anyway and then tried to trick me into getting pregnant. When that wasn't working, he cut off our physical relationship, which was the best part of our overall relationship. I was in it for the long run, but when his behavior became very erratic and he stopped communicating with me, I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't admit he wanted kids. Finally when he became increasingly abusive and it turned physically abusive in public, I left for a couple days until he agreed to get professional help. I stayed another two years (no further physical threats, but lots of verbal abuse and lots of stuff got broken around the house). I finally had enough because his shrink said he wasn't coming to sessions or doing what he needed to do. I left, but I loved him--I just couldn't live with him anymore. My second husband died before I found out he was defrauding me financially--that also would have ended in a nasty divorce when that came out. It was just a matter of time before I found out what he was doing, but he got sick and died first. I loved him too, but these things happen.

Now I am happily single, although I have reunited with a college boyfriend and we have no plans for marriage. We have similar interests and attitudes and wish maybe we hadn't been so hasty in breaking up at age 19... Life is good though and there's a lot to be said about mutual respect on both sides.

Despite our differences, all men and women need care and attention--maybe slightly different types and at different times. If you have or find love, patience, listening, and going with the flow seem to be the things that are working with us. Nobody can be present all the time, but you can stop and go back to say--hey, what was that you needed earlier? I can't tell you how many times I've felt pretty good about that. It works.

 

[Pops1967GTX]

 

[WileE]

IMHO, that article is MOSTLY bull $$$$. Yeah, there may be few that do as the article says. But from what I've seen is, as years go on, the woman leaves for a movie-star guy with looks, a Mr. Bank Account with the $$$ her husband can't do, or she turns into some sort of psycho-maniac with serious personality issues.

 

[Bruzilla]

Reading this post I can't help but think of that annoying All State commercial with this pain in the *** woman in it...

What annoys the piss out of me about this commercial is this gal can't tell the difference between "women" and "a woman". One is a generalized group, the other is an individual person, and trying to apply generalized concepts to individuals is always a really bad idea. Just because she as a woman is a good driver does not mean that women as a whole are better drivers... a fact I wish that guy she's with would just scream in her face.

Women in general crave attention. You can see this in their obsession with beauty, clothing, makeup, style, etc. They all want to be noticed, which I believe the author of the original post mistakes as being wanting to be appreciated, and they are not always the same thing. A pretty young lady who worked with my son changed her hair color and style one day, and I said "Oh, I see you changed your hair." I didn't say whether I liked it, or if it was a good look for her, all I did was note the change, and she went racing back to my son's office to tell him how thrilled she was that his Dad had noticed she changed her hair. Like most gals, she wasn't after love, or affection, she just wanted attention.

Where I see a problem for a lot of women is they tend to chase after guys who obsess over their appearance as much as they do. They want the guy who dresses sharp, decorates sharp, and has a great body from working out. What they totally miss is a guy who does all that can only do that by obsessing over himself, which means he isn't going to have much time or desire to obsess over her. You can't want a guy with six packs abs who doesn't spend all his time working out. So I don't see the problem as guys losing women because they aren't "present" for them, I think it's more of a problem with women picking men based on what they want rather than what they need, and this works no better for relationships than it does for picking cars.

 

[steve from staten island]

Why am i thinking your not married. No offense. As far as your opinions on woman in general while that may apply to some it certainly is not any sort of defining standard as in "a lot" or "in general"

 

[Lets Roll]

Hey, everyone needs attention. I think its a lot harder after you have kids to give each other the attention. Any way this brings me back to when I was 18-23 before I got married. When I went out back then and tried to meet women I always met women in their 30's to 40's and they just wanted sex! It was great but it was kinda weird when they had kids that were not much younger than me. All I met were divorced and had some issues with trust, affection and jealousy.

 

[Roger63]

I must be one lucky guy, my wife is my best friend and if she gets grumpy I take her someplace where there is chrome or tools and walah she's happy again

 

[Bruzilla]

Why am i thinking your not married. No offense. As far as your opinions on woman in general while that may apply to some it certainly is not any sort of defining standard as in "a lot" or "in general"

Not only am I married, but we just rolled over 30 years on the odometer last June. And I know a bit about this issue. I was an Aviation Anti-Submarine Warfare Operator (AW) in the Navy. In the 1980s when I was in, AWs had the highest divorce rate in the Navy, which had the highest divorce rate in the military, which had the highest divorce rate in the US, which had the highest divorce rate in the world. I flew with 40 or so guys when I was in my squadron, and worked with another 20 or so while at the Tactical Support Center, and I'm one of three of those sixty guys who's still married to the same woman I was with then. I've seen a LOT of women leave their guys, and vice-versa, so there isn't much I haven't seen. I also had the eye-opening experience of working in a company with a skosh over 6,000 workers that was 92% women. In three different departments, I was the only guy working with 20-30 women, and I got a serious eyeful of what women are really like.

One of the first things I learned that really surprised me is not one of the supervisors I worked for would hire a woman who was better looking than she was. None of them! If a good looking woman came in for an interview, it didn't matter how experienced, smart, or capable she was. If she was prettier, she was unemployed. The second thing I noticed is women will collectively and consistently rip other women to shreds based on their looks. They will say things about other women that no guy would ever even consider saying. They are obsessed with every detail of what other women are wearing, how they are wearing it, and when they are wearing it. There's a reason why every mall on the planet has a dozen women's clothing/attire stores for every one selling guy's clothing, and the reason is this instinctual obsession women have with their appearances, which all relates to their mating instincts.

To my point about women vs a woman, there will always be exceptions to any general behaviors, and they trend to various extremes, which is why making broad statements such as were described in the original post are usually a bad idea. Some women will leave a guy who isn't "present" all the time for them, but many women want their guy out there providing for them and their family and don't need a guy to to be constantly feeding their attention needs. Like I said, I've been married for 30 years, many of them while working in a profession with the highest divorce rate in the world. My results were not a matter of chance. After seeing marriages dropping like flies for years, I knew if I was getting married I would have to find a gal who could stand on her own and who I could trust implicitly when I was gone for months at a time, so I did a lot of searching instead of marrying the first bimbo I bumped into at the beach or bar (as more than a few of my fellow AWs did).

As Richard Rawlings has stated again and again, you make your money when you buy a car, not when you sell it. Same deal with women. You get a long-lasting relationship by picking the right woman at the start and not by changing your own behaviors or jumping through hoops years down the road. If you've got the wrong woman, the relationship is going to eventually fall apart no matter what you do.

 

[snakeoil24]

You can't guarantee anything in this culture anymore. Everything today is short lived and no commitment. People live for today and nothing is long term. Facts are facts. Our generation that had loyalty and marriage has been replaced with the now generation,immediate gratification! No planning no goals no money, uneducated and thats the world.

 

[steve from staten island]

Well B i stand corrected and congrats on hitting 30 years. Ive got you beat by 10 but after a certain time the numbers don't mean much. However a lot of what you state about woman is a direct result of how they were raised and what there impression's were of the first male in there lives. That male would be there father. The interaction between a father and mother goes a long way on how a female grows up and relates to men. All i know is how i raised mine and its not like anything you described

 

[Finallygotmine]

Hmmm, I must have missed something. When has it been established that a women ever really knows what the hell she wants??

I was married for 10 years. Over the last 3 years we were married she kept bringing up 3 different things that she was interested in doing. One was going back to school, one was starting a business, the other was having more kids. Now each of these endeavors required a different direction on both of our parts. The kids thing was out because we couldn't agree on how to raise our current child and I wasn't going down that road. We weren't getting along that great at the time and another child would have been a disaster. I encouraged her going to school but we would have to sell one of the vehicles because of the lost income from her quitting her job. The starting a business I was in favor of, we just couldn't agree on what, and she didn't want to risk anything we had at the time (which really was nothing)

Well, long story short, we separated, she was married 8 months later and had done all three things in the course of 1 year. She went to a class for something, started a cleaning business for about a month and promptly got pregnant.

Ironically, I started a business and left her in the dust. She had 3 more kids and was living in a trailer for a while.

And BTW, men who hunt and fish and work on cars usually don't just pick up these hobbies AFTER they get married. Women usually know full well in advance that the guy she is marrying disappears into the woods for a week in the fall, or spends time fishing or whatever.

 

[Roger63]

Don't you know that most women are attracted to men that they need to fix

 

[ETD66SS]

Not only am I married, but we just rolled over 30 years on the odometer last June. And I know a bit about this issue. I was an Aviation Anti-Submarine Warfare Operator (AW) in the Navy. In the 1980s when I was in, AWs had the highest divorce rate in the Navy, which had the highest divorce rate in the military, which had the highest divorce rate in the US, which had the highest divorce rate in the world. I flew with 40 or so guys when I was in my squadron, and worked with another 20 or so while at the Tactical Support Center, and I'm one of three of those sixty guys who's still married to the same woman I was with then. I've seen a LOT of women leave their guys, and vice-versa, so there isn't much I haven't seen. I also had the eye-opening experience of working in a company with a skosh over 6,000 workers that was 92% women. In three different departments, I was the only guy working with 20-30 women, and I got a serious eyeful of what women are really like.

One of the first things I learned that really surprised me is not one of the supervisors I worked for would hire a woman who was better looking than she was. None of them! If a good looking woman came in for an interview, it didn't matter how experienced, smart, or capable she was. If she was prettier, she was unemployed. The second thing I noticed is women will collectively and consistently rip other women to shreds based on their looks. They will say things about other women that no guy would ever even consider saying. They are obsessed with every detail of what other women are wearing, how they are wearing it, and when they are wearing it. There's a reason why every mall on the planet has a dozen women's clothing/attire stores for every one selling guy's clothing, and the reason is this instinctual obsession women have with their appearances, which all relates to their mating instincts.

To my point about women vs a woman, there will always be exceptions to any general behaviors, and they trend to various extremes, which is why making broad statements such as were described in the original post are usually a bad idea. Some women will leave a guy who isn't "present" all the time for them, but many women want their guy out there providing for them and their family and don't need a guy to to be constantly feeding their attention needs. Like I said, I've been married for 30 years, many of them while working in a profession with the highest divorce rate in the world. My results were not a matter of chance. After seeing marriages dropping like flies for years, I knew if I was getting married I would have to find a gal who could stand on her own and who I could trust implicitly when I was gone for months at a time, so I did a lot of searching instead of marrying the first bimbo I bumped into at the beach or bar (as more than a few of my fellow AWs did).

As Richard Rawlings has stated again and again, you make your money when you buy a car, not when you sell it. Same deal with women. You get a long-lasting relationship by picking the right woman at the start and not by changing your own behaviors or jumping through hoops years down the road. If you've got the wrong woman, the relationship is going to eventually fall apart no matter what you do.

You are too logical, women hate that, I should know