A question about etiquette ...

[GetX'd]

All can say is .... “Wow”. I wouldn’t be back there anytime soon....

 

[JB400]

I'd be too busy to answer the phone next time he calls.

 

[beanhead]

Welp, no sense letting it eat at you now; next time (if there's a next time) he asks you might approach things differently. At least YOU can rest easy knowing you helped someone that couldn't likely do it on their own, and that's a testament to your generosity. Nobody likes feeling burned for doing something good for someone, I know..but, what can ya do.

 

[slimt]

I used to help others . But now theres a limit on what it will be. Change a tire , no problem , massage a dent out of a bumper No problem. Anything more than that. Nope. Been there done that. You own it you fix it. There was a time where I would help fellow hot rodders out that were in need of work on there cars. Well. It was a ongoing thing after a while and I felt I was clearly being taken advantage of . When I asked for help on my car. Not a soul around and for some time.

Ive had bosses ask me to rebuild there cars. I just told them. Nope. . You bought you fix it or send it out and pay the rebuild quote. Cause it aint happening on a hourly wage from me.

Its easy to say No. so Im not commited to a life time of misery someone that will never be thank ful or content with the job that they wanted done for so little in return .

 

[Kern Dog]

Yeah...
As rude as it may seem, THIS guy has nothing that I need. If I needed help unloading something, he isn't strong enough. If I needed advice on something, I'd ask someone else. He is retired and acts as if he is short on money yet is restoring a '68 Charger....

 

[slimt]

Yeah...
As rude as it may seem, THIS guy has nothing that I need. If I needed help unloading something, he isn't strong enough. If I needed advice on something, I'd ask someone else. He is retired and acts as if he is short on money yet is restoring a '68 Charger....

Chances are , you will do the task at hand and never see it again. Or he may not be happy with something and he wont leave you alone , even though you went out of your way to help .

If I was asked a question on what maybe wrong I would give suggestions of what the problem could be . But he wasnt prepared to get his hands dirty. Well I guess it sits till he has motivation to start doing repairs

Thats just me.

 

[Kern Dog]

This is about the extent of the work he did on his own car today:

 

[1 Wild R/T]

Yeah...
As rude as it may seem, THIS guy has nothing that I need. If I needed help unloading something, he isn't strong enough. If I needed advice on something, I'd ask someone else. He is retired and acts as if he is short on money yet is restoring a '68 Charger....

We have a local guy who always tries to get guys to help him for free, acts like he's broke, yet he's got a 28 Packard that took a first in class at Pebble Beach....

Hey, if he shows up when I need something fine.. But we all know that'll never happen...

 

[66 Sat]

Maybe, just maybe, he's not just a tight ole' bastid, but has some medical condition (aspergers comes to mind) where he actually doesn't know what he's meant to be providing, and if you told him, he'd be all over it.
I'm not saying that's the case here, but there's people in the world who just think a bit differently to the general population, and are innocently offending people without even realizing it...

 

[Danny Boy]

My brother in law recently retired as a mechanic and was always asked to "assist" in fixing cars with his "free" labor

He finally resorted to giving suggestions on what the problem might be ( as well stated by "slimt") and recommending a mechanic in town who could provide a more in depth prognosis and estimate

Fair weather friends and family soon quit hinting around for him to fix their vehicles

A good friend once shared with me this nugget of wisdom:

The greatest way to ruin a relationship is to place EXPECTATIONS on others (fix my car, fix the roof, etc..) or for others to place EXPECTATIONS on you.

If you brag that you make a good BBQ , or are a great mechanic, etc - you will probably be "expected" to always do the cooking or turning wrenches

 

[Hey-O]

Here's how it works, do you need help and are you willing to stay by my side, ask questions, get involved as if you are doing it yourself. If the answer is yes, I'll be right there. If you think you can use me while you watch or wonder off, the answer is, you can't afford me. The older I get, the easier it gets to say no. If you're rude enough to try to get me to do your work , then I'm rude enough to tell you no!

 

[kiwigtx]

Different example but shows how some folks can be...

A good friend of mine knew someone lookin to sell their ranchette..
He also knew someone looking to buy a ranchette...
He went to school with someone who's become a well known realtor here in town... He hooked his realtor friend up with both ends of the deal... A $740K deal which means at 5% the realtor & the company he's partners in made $37K... What would be a fair gesture to compensate the man who connected these people?

The realtor took him to lunch... At McDonalds..

Think it's a fluke, turns out another friend of mine's sister is married to Mr Bigshot Realtor..
This friend happens to be a contractor & they had at one point started to flip houses as a team... My buddy was 50/50 on the investment side so he had some money in the purchase & covered all the costs to rehab the house...

When the first house sold the trouble began, the realtor kept all the profits & only reimbursed my buddy his actual costs & labor....

They no longer have any contact....

We have a word to describe that sort of person here in New Zealand. I cannot publish that word, as they don't like it in Canada from what I have heard.....according to the song anyway

 

[kiwigtx]

Maybe, just maybe, he's not just a tight ole' bastid, but has some medical condition (aspergers comes to mind) where he actually doesn't know what he's meant to be providing, and if you told him, he'd be all over it.

I hate it when I hear about people using Asperger's as a crutch.

I often get people ask me to help them out...usually because they have heard I always oblige. But just lately I have decided to make myself unavailable ...sick of people abusing my good nature and generosity...to the point where I only ever hear from, or see some people when they want something. Like the neighbour who borrowed my lawn mower a few years ago, and brought it back with a big hole in the catcher....never said a word about that... I could hear the stones going through the mower while his son was pushing it. Same guy returned a box of packing strap (for securing his under-house insulation) that I loaned him 6 years earlier.....just as they were leaving the area.

F*** Them.

 

[BB BELLA]

this is a challenging scenerio! A good friends son bought a boat with a starting issue, when they pulled the engine the starter boss on the block had been cracked and fudged together with studs and a C clamp. They called me over to take a look at it since I'm a retired marine mechanic [ not retired just retired from marine mechanics]. I told them it needs a block and we have common local friends and family that can machine a block and reman/ transfer of parts,for about 2g's or I have a complete fresh engine for 3g's sitting in my shop! the decision was made to try piecing it back together helicoils and brackets on there part and things didn't go so well and the starter keeps moving [told ya so] comes to mind! now they've called my son in [whose a mechanic and fabricator] to come up with a solution to the fudged block which I'm sure he can do,but my problem is there likely going to sell the boat when complete to some unsuspecting soul! big problem in my etiquette book,so I'm thinking should I tell my son to stay away from it. this is a non payment type of job for a guy that can well afford to do it right! which is why I posted here!

 

[68Moparmaniac]

Pizza and beer

 

[hanks73340]

In our neighborhood, cash was never exchanged between us. There are 5 of us and Thursdays is always Garage Night. We take turns working on cars whether they are ours or someone that needs a hand because they are not capable or have the skills. With all of our skills combined, we have restored 9 cars from frame on up over the years. Had 1 that even took 3rd place at the Detroit Autorama a few years back. Usually, the guys will bring beer or sliders over when working on the cars/trucks. We enjoy the hobby, the awesome friendship between us, swear like sailors on leave, but most of all we love doing this stuff. As far as etiquette goes with us, if you want us to work or fix on your car/truck, bring us beer, sliders, pay up for the parts, have thick skin(we sometimes bicth about politics) and just say thanks. If there is no appreciation from an owner when a favor is completed, we just say NO the next time you need a favor.....

 

[moparnation74]

You hit the nail on the head without even having seen it.
Holeeeee ****.
So guess what our grand payment was for our efforts.....
5 1/2 hours, ONE bottle of water.
Yeah....
NO food, NO beer, NO snacks, NO thanks until I told him near the end that he should have been thanking us and offering to pay. I was kidding about the money. I was absolutely NOT kidding about the thanks.
In my experience, the guy getting the help always offers food and drinks, BEER if the guys want it.
I would have refused money.
I would have not refused food. The Wife is flat out pissed to see me help a guy this clueless. Its as if he is a Social Savant...He is either clueless as to social protocol or is a cheap and thoughtless prick.
I am always getting people asking for help with something. If it isn't an all day thing, I'm willing to lend a hand. I see it as karma....Maybe God and the universe sees my efforts and somehow good fortune will come my way.
I have GOT to learn how to say no to people without feeling guilty about it.
This guy bit off waaaaaay more than he could chew and is leaning on everyone he can to build this car. Some time ago he wanted to rebuild the front suspension and convert it to disc brakes. I told him that I would do one side, let him watch and then he would do the other side. All I heard is you are so much stronger, I don't have the endurance that you do and other excuses. The whole story of Tom Sawyer and fence painting came to mind.
The guy had no 1/2" drive tools. You need these for suspension and steering work.
He couldn't figure out how to install torsion bars. He couldn't get the grease boots on. He was able to put the C clips in at the torsion bar crossmember though.
Today we put the engine and headers in, set the 2' level across the valve covers and rocked the engine around until it was level then I hung around about a half hour thinking he would offer to get sandwiches or a pizza.
No, we each got a bottle of water.

That is just wrong.....was the water even cold, lol......

I would definitely not help that guy again.......

This is why I cover all basis as I don’t want anyone to leave unhappy......number one is food and while they are working I will ask what they want to eat. Usually, ends up to be pizza and I will order what they want. Done that many times.

As far as offering cash goes, that’s my choice. To the other poster here’s a hint you don’t have too. Lol....As I said earlier each helper gets the same amount and they each see it......I am in a position where I can do that and it is an extension of my appreciation and my money my choice....50% of the time they keep it.

In end when I call them for help again, they are in their way immediately......

 

[Lefty71]

No, we each got a bottle of water.

This doesnt sound like he's even a friend of yours. You don't owe the general public the time of day you know. Hopefully you were'nt the one to convince your two other friends to go help for nothing??

 

[69 GTX]

I'm trying to look at it from a 74 year olds point of view. I've helped a lot of people in my youth for free, never expected payment just did it because it was the right thing to do and for people I've never met before. By the time I'm 74, if I make it that long, it'd be nice to know that maybe that good karma would come back around if I needed help. Not saying I wouldn't try to offer some sort of gratitude in some shape or form. I guess you need to decide for yourself why you want to help people, for monetary gain or for self satisfaction of giving some one a hand. I'm not judging, just my perspective.

 

[Darter6]

I know guys that are tighter than a bullfrog's asshole,,And that's waterproof !
They are the guys always asking for help but if you ask,They expect to be paid,,and only with cash.