A question about etiquette ...

[gkent]

I depends on how close the friendship is as well as their involvement in the hobby. I have a friend who hauled my car to the stripper, the painter and the bodyman. He's not a close enough friend to expect this as a favour and he's unlikely to ever need that amount of help from me so - I helped get the trailer out of the frozen ground, helped unload what was in it, paid all the gas, boght the lunches. Then I gave him a "thank you" card, a bottle of whisky and a $100 restaurant gift card. Dick lacks nothing and there are other guys who just take advantage of him but if I ever need something from him again I want to be on good terms.

 

[1 Wild R/T]

I depends on how close the friendship is as well as their involvement in the hobby. I have a friend who hauled my car to the stripper, the painter and the bodyman. He's not a close enough friend to expect this as a favour and he's unlikely to ever need that amount of help from me so - I helped get the trailer out of the frozen ground, helped unload what was in it, paid all the gas, boght the lunches. Then I gave him a "thank you" card, a bottle of whisky and a $100 restaurant gift card. Dick lacks nothing and there are other guys who just take advantage of him but if I ever need something from him again I want to be on good terms.

Well done... Given many gift cards through the years...

 

[Danny Boy]

Agree with Stanton totally and have done this

 

[69a100]

Let's say you are a 76 year old guy that needs help with a car. You call three guys over and they spend 5 1/2 hours at your place pushing the car into position, hooking up the engine hoist, setting the engine, installing headers and pushing the car back into the garage.
What would be a common and reasonable way to show your appreciation to these three guys?
Keep in mind that the owner of the car is not very mechanically inclined and has to research almost everything.
Lets see some responses. I want to know what others think.
Thanks!

You hit the nail on the head without even having seen it.
Holeeeee ****.
So guess what our grand payment was for our efforts.....
5 1/2 hours, ONE bottle of water.
Yeah....
NO food, NO beer, NO snacks, NO thanks until I told him near the end that he should have been thanking us and offering to pay. I was kidding about the money. I was absolutely NOT kidding about the thanks.
In my experience, the guy getting the help always offers food and drinks, BEER if the guys want it.
I would have refused money.
I would have not refused food. The Wife is flat out pissed to see me help a guy this clueless. Its as if he is a Social Savant...He is either clueless as to social protocol or is a cheap and thoughtless prick.
I am always getting people asking for help with something. If it isn't an all day thing, I'm willing to lend a hand. I see it as karma....Maybe God and the universe sees my efforts and somehow good fortune will come my way.
I have GOT to learn how to say no to people without feeling guilty about it.
This guy bit off waaaaaay more than he could chew and is leaning on everyone he can to build this car. Some time ago he wanted to rebuild the front suspension and convert it to disc brakes. I told him that I would do one side, let him watch and then he would do the other side. All I heard is you are so much stronger, I don't have the endurance that you do and other excuses. The whole story of Tom Sawyer and fence painting came to mind.
The guy had no 1/2" drive tools. You need these for suspension and steering work.
He couldn't figure out how to install torsion bars. He couldn't get the grease boots on. He was able to put the C clips in at the torsion bar crossmember though.
Today we put the engine and headers in, set the 2' level across the valve covers and rocked the engine around until it was level then I hung around about a half hour thinking he would offer to get sandwiches or a pizza.
No, we each got a bottle of water.

WOW! After reading all this, I have come to the conclusion that you hang out with a bunch of losers. Is it you or is this a California thing? You need to find some new friends!

 

[XFBX]

I always ask even good friends ahead of time what they would like from the deal, food, money, parts. OR a raincheck for something I can do for them at some point.

OR you could just make them join a website that has so many crazy ads it drives them insane.

 

[moparnation74]

I always ask even good friends ahead of time what they would like from the deal, food, money, parts. OR a raincheck for something I can do for them at some point.

OR you could just make them join a website that has so many crazy ads it drives them insane.

Become a gold member and the ads will go away...that’s part of the perks...

 

[XFBX]

Im sorry, I wasnt talking about this site, I dont get ads here or any of Joeys sites.

Sorry for the confusion.

 

[vintage chromoly]

You need to stop picking up strays.

 

[Kern Dog]

WOW! After reading all this, I have come to the conclusion that you hang out with a bunch of losers. Is it you or is this a California thing? You need to find some new friends!

Sometimes you annoy me but this post made me laugh. Yeah, laugh out loud. You are blessed with a straight forward personality, that is certain.
Maybe I do seem to attract losers as friends. Some seem to gravitate to me because I am the one that had a solid marriage, no money problems, a decent place to live and work on cars and I am not an unreliable drunk or druggie. I do have some good friends here though.

I always ask even good friends ahead of time what they would like from the deal, food, money, parts. OR a raincheck for something I can do for them at some point.

OR you could just make them join a website that has so many crazy ads it drives them insane.

I get it...That is a DIG at the management over at Moparts. right?

Im sorry, I wasnt talking about this site, I dont get ads here or any of Joeys sites.

Sorry for the confusion.

Yep, that is what I was thinking....

 

[DeltaV]

How old is his youngest daughter and what does she look like? Granddaughters over 30 years old?...what do they look like?

 

[Grabbergreendream]

Kern, I've been in this situation before. I work 10 hr days & every 3rd wknd so I am buzy with chores when I'm not working. I like to help poeple if I can. I am blunt to a fault occasionally. Almost the same situation happened to my with a neighbor of mine but it was some construction work. When it got to a point later in his project when he needed more help, I simply told him that the wife & I had plans to go out for dinner & a movie(lie), & I'd consider changing plans if he'd take us out or pay for a meal at a decent restaurant another time. I also hinted that he never really returned the favor for the previous help...
I was polite about it and he did return the favor with a case of beer & a $50 gift card for Olive Garden(wifes fav...). Which was fine. He showed more appreciation every time since then when he needed a hand & not sure he would have if I hadnt said anything.... Just my 2 cents...

 

[Kern Dog]

Another thing....
I never even liked this guy. I felt sorry for him. He joined the Mopar club and immediately began asking for help, advice, etc. It seemed that at every turn, whatever advice he asked was questioned and compared to something else that he read online. Many members turned away and stopped talking to him. Being the forgiving type, I put my frustrations aside and helped him.
There are some people that you know that have some redeeming quality that makes it worth your time to talk with them. The more that I stand back and look from afar, this guy gives nothing to the club but instead is always take take take.
I have had this thing where I worry about time running out. I'm healthy but getting old and feeble freaks me out. THIS guy looks like what may likely happen to me....Older, weaker and less able. Maybe I saw this guy and felt like he needed help like I will need one day.
Regardless, I didn't "expect" anything from the guy BUT it was on my way home when I realized that he got a heck of a deal. It is no wonder that he barely speaks with his kids, he has NO friends other than people he uses from the car club....He isn't the kind of guy that has friends...

 

[BeeKool]

Let's say you are a 76 year old guy that needs help with a car. You call three guys over and they spend 5 1/2 hours at your place pushing the car into position, hooking up the engine hoist, setting the engine, installing headers and pushing the car back into the garage.
What would be a common and reasonable way to show your appreciation to these three guys?
Keep in mind that the owner of the car is not very mechanically inclined and has to research almost everything.
Lets see some responses. I want to know what others think.
Thanks!

This had happened to you before, correct? Or is this the same guy?
Car club guy in his 70's taking advantage of you kindness...

 

[steve from staten island]

Another thing....
I never even liked this guy. I felt sorry for him. He joined the Mopar club and immediately began asking for help, advice, etc. It seemed that at every turn, whatever advice he asked was questioned and compared to something else that he read online. Many members turned away and stopped talking to him. Being the forgiving type, I put my frustrations aside and helped him.
There are some people that you know that have some redeeming quality that makes it worth your time to talk with them. The more that I stand back and look from afar, this guy gives nothing to the club but instead is always take take take.
I have had this thing where I worry about time running out. I'm healthy but getting old and feeble freaks me out. THIS guy looks like what may likely happen to me....Older, weaker and less able. Maybe I saw this guy and felt like he needed help like I will need one day.
Regardless, I didn't "expect" anything from the guy BUT it was on my way home when I realized that he got a heck of a deal. It is no wonder that he barely speaks with his kids, he has NO friends other than people he uses from the car club....He isn't the kind of guy that has friends...

You helped the guy out and it sounds like this guy showed zero appreciation.
No good deed goes unnoticed and all I can tell you is some way, some how, some day your good deed will be returned to you.
For example many members here have helped me, I try and reply when im sure of a subject or ran into the same issue on my car, but of course ive received more than ive given and im grateful for that.
In turn I help out others when I can. Being a well experienced trades person, I find on occasion some folks asking me for a favor, if I can accommodate them I always do.
I never ask or would take money. Something from the bakery or a bottle of wine is always welcomed
Dont let anybody take advantage of you and stop this worrying BS about getting old. You work physically, not a. couch potato. Take care of yourself, live a good life and you'll still be fooling around with cars well into your seventies and beyond.

 

[Kern Dog]

Yeah....It has been about a year since I helped this guy. I stupidly offered back then to help him set the engine. I was following through with a commitment.

 

[69a100]

Sometimes you annoy me but this post made me laugh. Yeah, laugh out loud. You are blessed with a straight forward personality, that is certain.
Maybe I do seem to attract losers as friends. Some seem to gravitate to me because I am the one that had a sold marriage, no money problems, a decent place to live and work on cars and I am not an unreliable drunk or druggie. I do have some good friends here though.

I call them the way I see them, and if I don't see em? I make em up! Gorge Carlin.
I live by that and I did do a with it to you. In this case, your talkin about the losers in your life, I have mine too. Luckily, none of them are living nearby so it doesn't bother me. I don't ask much of people and I don't expect much in return. When I'm asked to help a bubby, I give them 110% help. Water or soda is a given, I don't drink when I'm workin! Food's another thing but I don't expect it. Unless it's like, Hey, help me this weekend and we'll burn some meat afterwards. Then that's a different story.

 

[Kern Dog]

It is. I just wonder...I don't know if he is clueless because he has so few (If any) friends or if he is smart enough to take advantage of people while playing up his feeble old man condition.
He did thank us AFTER I told him that he should be thanking us. This was 5 hours into the deal.
I am always so grateful when I get help, I make comments throughout the experience.
This guy texted last night around 10:30....Saying his Wife planned on making lunch but forgot about it. He claims to be grateful but too dang bad...I am done. I gave charity already and need to focus on my real friends along with the LONG list of stuff of my own.

 

[Cranky]

This is about the extent of the work he did on his own car today:
View attachment 822572

Is that him under the car with his legs crossed?

Here's how it works, do you need help and are you willing to stay by my side, ask questions, get involved as if you are doing it yourself. If the answer is yes, I'll be right there. If you think you can use me while you watch or wonder off, the answer is, you can't afford me. The older I get, the easier it gets to say no. If you're rude enough to try to get me to do your work , then I'm rude enough to tell you no!

I used to get the "you got a truck....we need help moving" deal. After helping way too many times, I told them I'll drive the truck but my back is shot so you have to supply the weak minds. That crap stopped in a big hurry!!

I hate it when I hear about people using Asperger's as a crutch.

I often get people ask me to help them out...usually because they have heard I always oblige. But just lately I have decided to make myself unavailable ...sick of people abusing my good nature and generosity...to the point where I only ever hear from, or see some people when they want something. Like the neighbour who borrowed my lawn mower a few years ago, and brought it back with a big hole in the catcher....never said a word about that... I could hear the stones going through the mower while his son was pushing it. Same guy returned a box of packing strap (for securing his under-house insulation) that I loaned him 6 years earlier.....just as they were leaving the area.

F*** Them.

I've never loaded out my lawn mower but have gone over and actually mowed their yard instead. Thing is, when the grass is a foot tall or more, I tell them that's not happening again and to rent a commercial mower the next time your grass is way over grown and have your 40 year old no good kids do it instead of a 68 year man!

Sometimes you annoy me but this post made me laugh. Yeah, laugh out loud. You are blessed with a straight forward personality, that is certain.
Maybe I do seem to attract losers as friends. Some seem to gravitate to me because I am the one that had a solid marriage, no money problems, a decent place to live and work on cars and I am not an unreliable drunk or druggie. I do have some good friends here though.

I get it...That is a DIG at the management over at Moparts. right?

Yep, that is what I was thinking....

Moparts....hey now, I like that place lol

How old is his youngest daughter and what does she look like? Granddaughters over 30 years old?...what do they look like?

Man, that same thought when through my mind!! lol Problem is, I'm in my late 60's so I guess I'm a dirty old man

 

[66 Sat]

I hate it when I hear about people using Asperger's as a crutch.

I often get people ask me to help them out...usually because they have heard I always oblige. But just lately I have decided to make myself unavailable ...sick of people abusing my good nature and generosity...to the point where I only ever hear from, or see some people when they want something. Like the neighbour who borrowed my lawn mower a few years ago, and brought it back with a big hole in the catcher....never said a word about that... I could hear the stones going through the mower while his son was pushing it. Same guy returned a box of packing strap (for securing his under-house insulation) that I loaned him 6 years earlier.....just as they were leaving the area.

F*** Them.

Mate, I'm only offering a suggestion as to why this bloke is acting like he is. He may be a sly old fox but perhaps not. He does sound like a lonely old guy who had no friends but suddenly has these young guys offering to help him with his car. Maybe he thinks they enjoy hanging out with him, so no payment is necessary. Who knows?
As for those other guys that took advantage of you, they too sound like people with some sort of condition - wankers!

 

[wahya]

Let's say you are a 76 year old guy that needs help with a car. You call three guys over and they spend 5 1/2 hours at your place pushing the car into position, hooking up the engine hoist, setting the engine, installing headers and pushing the car back into the garage.

Maybe he was expecting it to be running.