Caring for an elderly parent

[68BabyBlue]

Going to see Mom in the nursing home almost every day and seeing dozens of old folks on walkers and in wheelchairs and in bed all day motivated me to take better care of myself.

We are all temporarily able bodied. I have worked out my entire life, and still do, but I've modified it for current circumstances. I now use forearm crutches and a light weight manual wheelchair when I do the Carlisle show field. I told my doctor I felt I had to make a choice between looking normal, and feeling miserable, or looking disabled, and being able to enjoy the event. I now know I made the right one, and should have done it a long time ago.

 

[68 Sport Satellite]

Can someone explain what an elder care attorney does? I think one of you mentioned you didn't pay a dime for care when you had that set up. How does that work? Is it like a type of insurance?

My parents have a living trust set up and I'm the only surviving child. My folks want to live and die in their home and I'm fine with that. What I worry about is costs associated with any care givers that eventually might need to visit them as they get older. I live 1 hr drive away and will do all that I can, but it would be very difficult to quit my job and move in with them. When the time comes I'm fine with taking a leave of absence for 6-12 mo if needed. Dad is 75, mom is 73. Both active and sharp minded but in gradual but noticeable declining health.

 

[Dennis H]

Platinum Investments in Florida (I’m not trying to sell them) got my Dad approved for Medicaid before he passed. Also protected assets. Final bill was $55k, my Mom ended up responsible for about $300 of that.

 

[68BabyBlue]

Can someone explain what an elder care attorney does? I think one of you mentioned you didn't pay a dime for care when you had that set up. How does that work? Is it like a type of insurance?

My parents have a living trust set up and I'm the only surviving child. My folks want to live and die in their home and I'm fine with that. What I worry about is costs associated with any care givers that eventually might need to visit them as they get older. I live 1 hr drive away and will do all that I can, but it would be very difficult to quit my job and move in with them. When the time comes I'm fine with taking a leave of absence for 6-12 mo if needed. Dad is 75, mom is 73. Both active and sharp minded but in gradual but noticeable declining health.

In a nutshell, an elder law attorney examines assets, sets up a structure to preserve them, while maximizing the ability to collect Medicaid benefits if need, and possibly recommends insurance options to pay for care. As a licensed, but non-practicing attorney in PA, I spent the last decade collecting CLE credits on this topic to maintain my license. It took three years of vetting candidates before I selected my current personal attorney specializing in this area. I would never think of trying to deal with this stuff on my own. My attorney is a former social worker and insurance defense lawyer, who maintains a diversified support staff to address long term care issues. A good attorney practicing in this arena is not cheap, but worth the money in the long run. Pennsylvania has multiple certifications for this type of practice; I would expect the same or more in CA.

 

[padam]

In a nutshell, an elder law attorney examines assets, sets up a structure to preserve them, while maximizing the ability to collect Medicaid benefits if need, and possibly recommends insurance options to pay for care. As a licensed, but non-practicing attorney in PA, I spent the last decade collecting CLE credits on this topic to maintain my license. It took three years of vetting candidates before I selected my current personal attorney specializing in this area. I would never think of trying to deal with this stuff on my own. My attorney is a former social worker and insurance defense lawyer, who maintains a diversified support staff to address long term care issues. A good attorney practicing in this arena is not cheap, but worth the money in the long run. Pennsylvania has multiple certifications for this type of practice; I would expect the same or more in CA.

With a background in law, it still took you 3 years to find a good attorney?
What chance do us common types have of getting a good one?
My wife and I were having wiils made up, and I wanted our attorney to help us protect my father's assets in case he needed to go on Medicaid.
I didn't get a good feeling about what she was telling me. Hard to get good info.

 

[68BabyBlue]

With a background in law, it still took you 3 years to find a good attorney?
What chance do us common types have of getting a good one?
My wife and I were having wiils made up, and I wanted our attorney to help us protect my father's assets in case he needed to go on Medicaid.
I didn't get a good feeling about what she was telling me. Hard to get good info.

My spouse has echoed your sentiments many times. It is not easy to tell a good attorney from a not so good one. As a lawyer myself, I wanted one who was way smarter than me. I am sorry you are not in PA, I could have referred you to somebody good. I got burned myself a decade back when I had a firm I knew from my corporate trucking days do an LLC incorporation for me. Incompetent job, and totally ripped me off on the fee. That was why I spent three years hunting my current counsel.

 

[themechanic]

Same with my dad back when he was fighting the last few rounds.
The Ensure ect. Is nasty, we started getting him Carnation instant breakfast drinks, Chocolat or vanilla they taste better and he would drink them.

Thanks. We'll try that.

 

[68 Sport Satellite]

thanks for these replies. So my parents already have a living trust set up and their paid off home has me listed as beneficiary. They're on a fixed income with medicare and it sounds like we may also need to look into getting them qualified for medicaid to cover future medical care with a good elder attorney. Is that the main gist of what I'm reading here? I wonder if I can still work with Dennis H's recommendation even though my parents live in CA?

 

[4406bbl]

When we did this the property had to be transferred into someone name, or a trust for 7 years otherwise medicare/medicaid could come back and say you knew they were going to need nursing home care and the house becomes an asset at fair market value. We used an attorney in our state and near everything went in a trust. I really do not have a problem with that as why should the taxpayer be on the hook for elder care. For the older members here.....never ever on your death bed make your kids promise to take care of mom or dad....it is a shitty thing to do to put that guilt on someone else if you have not made proper preparations on your own. The person you pick may not have the $$$, and cannot say no, have a plan and discuss it all in your late 50s early 60s. I do not know if 7 years is still the magic number but please hire an attorney that specializes in this.

 

[themechanic]

TIP: Minimize your junk so your family doesn't have to when you're gone. Mom's house is full of arts and crafts crap nobody wants. She's in a nursing home but won't be moving back home. If things go well Mom will live with my middle sister Linda and her husband. So, she won't be needing anything from the house.

 

[1STMP]

Touchy subject for me. Placed my own
retirement in jeopardy caring for my
now deceased mother.

 

[4406bbl]

^^^^This, living it, never move parents in your house with your wife.

 

[haywire 440]

Set up a trust, there is also a specific type to preserve assets during elder care, sooner the better as they have to be in effect for x amount of years prior.

1 trustee is best, more than 1 trustee is ok as long as the parties trust each other and can act alone.

Set up POA.
POA terminates once the person is deceased, so get a trust.

Transfer assets to trust, $, house, cars, everything.

A will is garbage, but have one and keep it extremely simple, assets distributed evenly among my children after all debts, etc.
Have an executor listed as well as a backup.
Any asset you didn't know about, and it happens, you need to have a will/executor.

Trust avoids probate, completely, assets can be distributed next day with no fees, lawyers, court, court costs, disputes, etc.

You want to avoid probate, any asset not transferred to the trust must go through probate, time consuming and costly.

Take care of other items, DNR if wanted, etc.

Prepay funeral and all arrangements.
If set up correctly, funds go into an account and earn interest, and you don't owe more once needed.
It's better to not have to deal with this at the same time as a loss, and potentially receive a refund, than to add it to your plate, and potentially have to come up with the funds yourself because you didn't set up a trust and you have to find a lawyer for probate, wait 9 months, pay a bunch of fees, and argue over who's doing what (wrong) and who's paying for it all, now!

And set up a trust.

Good information here. Having One trustee is best, then have successors trustees. Same with POA, have one person. Maybe split the financial and medical to different siblings or persons but please, I know this will be hard, don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings. Just pick the best person for that job, and yes it can turn into a job and yes compensation is legal and sometimes warranted.
Final thought, don’t get into a guardianship unless you fully understand and need to because you will have to answer to a judge, spend time going to court, make a budget and get the court’s approval. Find out what a guardian ad litem is because a judge can appoint one and “the eyes and ears of the court” can come to anyones home or facility to assess conditions, health, care, Etc of a person. This court service is paid for by the estate or family member. You could loss control and sometimes over a beef, disagreement or other “should be simple matters”. An elder law professional should be contacted first if shtf.
All responses are helpful.

 

[Hey-O]

TIP: Minimize your junk so your family doesn't have to when you're gone. Mom's house is full of arts and crafts crap nobody wants. She's in a nursing home but won't be moving back home. If things go well Mom will live with my middle sister Linda and her husband. So, she won't be needing anything from the house.

That's one thing I have already done, is thin out my stuff, which could be considered junk to someone else.

 

[joe smith]

I do not know if 7 years is still the magic number but please hire an attorney that specializes in this.

I just went through this... Its 5 years with Medicaid.......

 

[themechanic]

Today we're meeting with nursing home staff to discuss Mom's progress, or lack thereof. We'll be going over payment options for long term care. Mom only has a tiny SS check and tiny widow's pension from my Dad's Civil Service retirement. The rest will come from Medicare and Medicare Advantage Plus. Linda is working on the Medicaid application documents and War Veteran's survivor benefits application for the VA Aid and Attendance program.

 

[themechanic]

Good resource for elder care. The lady has a Master's in Social Work specializing in elderly care. She had to care for her 92 year old Dad who's a WWII veteran.

 

[4406bbl]

Also do not underestimate the fact they may outlive you. 27 years here, I bought the house and moved next door or I would be divorced. Absolutely do not be afraid to hurt feelings, or the second someone questions what you are doing say ok your right what can you do and pay for. I have found when you bring up $$$$$ the peanut gallery shuts the F up.

 

[4406bbl]

I will say it again...do not move them into a married couples house. NEVER DO IT.

 

[themechanic]

I will say it again...do not move them into a married couples house. NEVER DO IT.

My sister is considering it. That is until she watched a video I shared with her.