My confrontation with severe vertigo

[moparedtn]

(Moved here from another thread, where I didn't feel right leaving it. Seemed
off-topic and a bit unfair there....)

Some of y'all know I've been on the planet six decades or so.
What you might not know though is that I've never been on a flight in my life....
Seriously. Never.
I love WW2 era aircraft and go to many shows and climb in them and all that, but
I've never left the ground in any plane, chopper or what have you.

Reason?
I'm not afraid of any man or critter and I've survived plenty that would have killed most
others, but I DO have one serious, deep-seeded issue that cannot be overcome:
I have vertigo, big-time - coupled with a healthy fear of heights.
I literally can be affected watching videos of "nose cams" from planes even.

I can (and often have) worked in scissor lifts 80 feet above concrete slabs on jobsites and
I'm fine, because probably there's some illusion I still have control of the "floor" I'm on.
I've learned over the years to get comfortable in platforms and such, in rafters in buildings,
all that jazz just fine - hell, I've even fallen OUT of a scissor lift at about 16-17' up once -
but you get me outside and it's a different damn matter.

If you've read this far, you're probably thinking "ok, so what's your point, Ed?"
I read all these accounts of folks travelling all over the world and realize that will never happen for me, at least if I'm conscious, and that used to bug the hell out of me.
Not so much anymore, honestly. I'm good with it at this point in life.

But ok, I'll try in my own wimpy way to stay on this threads' topic.
This happened just yesterday, mind you - and it took four grandkids and a persistent wife for it to happen:

Yes, that's my chunky butt in a ski type lift going up the side of a mountain in Gatlinburg.
I've got a death grip on the back of the chair and I released my grip on the rail long enough
to try and wave to the camera lady below....
but I was petrified out of my mind, truth be known.

I didn't go back down the mountain later in the day the same way, I can tell you that.
I won't even bother trying to describe vertigo to anyone who doesn't suffer from it -
it's pointless and they won't understand and just think you weak-minded anyways.
Lookit -
If vertigo could be conquered by sheer willpower and strength of mind, I've got most humans covered on those fronts, demonstrably so as some of y'all know.
You're born with it or you aren't.

 

[moparedtn]

Oh, almost forgot - there IS a P.S. to my story from yesterday:
Obviously, I didn't choose to take the lift back down the mountain, instead opting for the
ground transportation the attraction offered - a series of large, flatbed diesel trucks
outfitted with those "safari" type enclosed packages on the back, full of seats.

When it came time to leave and go back to the car, my wife tried once again to talk me into
going down the lift with the gang, perhaps this time in the enclosed little "gondolas" - which had
a long wait, turns out.
I didn't say anything else, just turned heels and headed to the station for the ground transportation,
leaving the rest of the gang to fend with the lift chairs.
I figured a long wait for the truck ride too, but surprisingly, I got there just at the right time -
I wound up one of the first for the next ride, then spent some time waiting by striking up conversations
with others (like y'all know I'm prone to do).
Still frazzled and a little more than tired, I accepted my fate and anticipated a long wait...

The next ride, surprisingly, came only 5 minutes later and we all piled on after the full truck had emptied
(apparently I wasn't the only one wanting no part of the lift!).
I found myself across from a grandfather and his cute little granddaughter, who was quite nervous about
the ride back down the mountain (apparently the ride up had scared her pretty good already).
I struck up a conversation with her grandpa, then when I noticed her dilemma, I gently began chatting
with her about Santa, hoping to distract her from everything that had her so terrified.
Grandpa smiled his silent "thanks" as it seemed to help her some and by the time we got to the bottom
of the mountain, she was smiling and I even got her to talk to the driver, who was right in front of us in
the truck cab as we chatted about silly little Christmas nonsense.
We all got off the truck and she even gave the driver a hug, which about got me misty-eyed...

Then it hit me:
(How many of you see this "punch line" coming? )
Ok - on the way up, it had been all I could muster not to lose my shiyat - and I did a whole lot of praying to
help also, right?
Well, I got up there and back on solid ground, thanked Him...and the rest was about the grandkids from there.
On the way back down, though?
Well - It seems He pretty much had put me there on the ride back down, in that truck and sitting in front of
that grandpa and little girl - because He now wanted me to pay it forward, as it were.

It would have been really easy to just keep to myself and mind my own business, sit there and stew about
being "forced" to do something I desperately didn't want to earlier - but I just couldn't.
Somebody else needed help...and as y'all know, I'm getting better at hearing His "page" these days.
At least, I'm trying to.

 

[davek]

Sorry you have it and my best friend has it. Yep- I dont understand it but do feel for all of you. Glad you made it threw the ride. Time well spent with your grand babies.

 

[Slap Stick]

I know whatcher talkin bout.
I had to park the moorsickles and stop flying due to it. Almost had to quit driving. Seems it affects me more if I dont stay hydrated. Havent had any problems now for a few years so this spring it may be time to give the bikes a short run. Disuse is the enemy of vehicles. Lots of repairs needed now.

 

[moparedtn]

Sorry you have it and my best friend has it. Yep- I dont understand it but do feel for all of you. Glad you made it threw the ride. Time well spent with your grand babies.

I appreciate that, thanks.
Best way I can describe it to folks who don't suffer it:
You know when you're sitting in a chair, leaning back and it reaches that instant where it feels like you're
about to go over backwards?
It's like that - times 1,000. It's very much a physical as much as mental reaction and I've been told by the
docs that it's got to do with the construction of the inner ear/balance thing, coupled with wiring associated
with it and it is more common with us very fair-skinned, ultra-sensitive type folks.
I blame it on inbreeding in the family tree...

 

[Budnicks]

I blame it on inbreeding in the family tree...

 

[Kern Dog]

Whenever one experiences a "feeling" there really is NO way for another person to fully grasp the impact of it without having felt it first hand. Depression, bipolar issues, paranoia and other unsettling feelings can feel absolutely real and urgent to those that suffer from them. I have a friend that used to get panic attacks. He said it feels like he could die at any moment. He takes meds for it and rarely has them anymore.
I have no fear for most things. Heights don't bother me, at least the heights that I have dealt with so far. I am lucky.
I have had some instances of downer moods. Whether it could be diagnosed as "depression" or not is unknown.
Vertigo sounds really unsettling though.

 

[myk r sanchez]

I understand. One of my biggest fantasies as a child, other than touching Heather Thomas' supple pale bosom, was to be a fighter pilot. Sadly enough, I couldn't even climb up to a second story roof and look down without feeling like I was going to pass out. I used to live in New York, and my mom would always try to take me up into lady liberty, the empire state building and the world trade center. I remember freaking out every time while my mom got a kick out of it.

Fast forward to today and the acrophobia and accompanying physical sensations have only gotten worse. A few years ago I went skydiving! I jumped out of a rickety POS that had no business being in the air at 14,000 above southern calfiornia which, considering my affliction, is nothing short of a miracle. Oddly enough, once I was free falling the fear of heights was gone! The fact that I was falling towards the earth to potential death didn't bother me at all; it was such a glorious experience.

Anyway, the fear of heights is irrational, but I guess some of us weren't meant to play in the great blue yonder. Ah well, at least I still have that door sized poster of Heather Thomas

 

[Kern Dog]

I read somewhere that she was a BIG coke-head in the 80s.

 

[hanks73340]

My mother in-law had vertigo also. It scared the **** out of her. I can't relate but understand the seriousness to that individual that has it. Most don't understand this issue but need to respect it. Don't worry about what others may think because you are doing just fine dealing with it in your own way. Take care Mopared and don't give it a second thought about what other folks may think. Its' your health and you do what needs to be done to keep you in a healthy state of mind.

 

[myk r sanchez]

I read somewhere that she was a BIG coke-head in the 80s.

Yeah I remember hearing that too. What also surprised me was Carrie Fisher being one as well. Word has it that she was completely high when she filmed the star wars movies. These girls looked so wholesome and innocent lol..

 

[Johnpat]

I have a real fear of heights,I guess that's why God only made me 5'8 inches tall.
I'd be scared to death at 6'

 

[moparedtn]

Whenever one experiences a "feeling" there really is NO way for another person to fully grasp the impact of it without having felt it first hand. Depression, bipolar issues, paranoia and other unsettling feelings can feel absolutely real and urgent to those that suffer from them. I have a friend that used to get panic attacks. He said it feels like he could die at any moment. He takes meds for it and rarely has them anymore.
I have no fear for most things. Heights don't bother me, at least the heights that I have dealt with so far. I am lucky.
I have had some instances of downer moods. Whether it could be diagnosed as "depression" or not is unknown.
Vertigo sounds really unsettling though.

It is, I think simply because there's the physical aspect of it that one cannot "overcome" by sheer will -
of which, I got a double helping of when born.
We aren't simply talking about a "fear of flying" or whatever. Dramamine won't help.

 

[moparedtn]

I understand. One of my biggest fantasies as a child, other than touching Heather Thomas' supple pale bosom, was to be a fighter pilot. Sadly enough, I couldn't even climb up to a second story roof and look down without feeling like I was going to pass out. I used to live in New York, and my mom would always try to take me up into lady liberty, the empire state building and the world trade center. I remember freaking out every time while my mom got a kick out of it.

Fast forward to today and the acrophobia and accompanying physical sensations have only gotten worse. A few years ago I went skydiving! I jumped out of a rickety POS that had no business being in the air at 14,000 above southern calfiornia which, considering my affliction, is nothing short of a miracle. Oddly enough, once I was free falling the fear of heights was gone! The fact that I was falling towards the earth to potential death didn't bother me at all; it was such a glorious experience.

Anyway, the fear of heights is irrational, but I guess some of us weren't meant to play in the great blue yonder. Ah well, at least I still have that door sized poster of Heather Thomas

I was with you until you said "the fear of heights is irrational". That statement, I can categorically state is false.

 

[moparedtn]

I read somewhere that she was a BIG coke-head in the 80s.

Yes indeed. Damn near to the point of dying from it.

 

[moparedtn]

Yeah I remember hearing that too. What also surprised me was Carrie Fisher being one as well. Word has it that she was completely high when she filmed the star wars movies. These girls looked so wholesome and innocent lol..

Fisher had drug issues her entire adult life, which started with those coke-filled 70's days.
It wound up taking who knows how many years off her life and fried her noggin in the process.

 

[moparedtn]

I have a real fear of heights,I guess that's why God only made me 5'8 inches tall.
I'd be scared to death at 6'

 

[myk r sanchez]

I was with you until you said "the fear of heights is irrational". That statement, I can categorically state is false.

It's just wishful thinking on my part, in an effort to fight off the acrophobia. I tell myself that there is no reason to fear heights, that its all in my head, but it doesn't really work lol. I wish I could enjoy rollercoasters and stuff like that...

 

[gkent]

One way up and one way down !!

 

[gkent]

I have a "nervousness" with heights - like standing near a balcony on a high building. Its more a fear that something will break as opposed to the height itself. I absolutely will not go on carnival rides. If you've ever seen the crackheads that assemble those you'd know why! Planes, choppers, ultralights ... no fear whatsoever.