A question about etiquette ...

[Kern Dog]

Let's say you are a 76 year old guy that needs help with a car. You call three guys over and they spend 5 1/2 hours at your place pushing the car into position, hooking up the engine hoist, setting the engine, installing headers and pushing the car back into the garage.
What would be a common and reasonable way to show your appreciation to these three guys?
Keep in mind that the owner of the car is not very mechanically inclined and has to research almost everything.
Lets see some responses. I want to know what others think.
Thanks!

 

[moparnation74]

I would first provide some type of dinner and drinks.......I would give each an equal certain amount of cash for the help and time......

Especially, when you said installing headers.......

 

[1 Wild R/T]

Well I'm gonna guess he thought you needed the experience & you were lucky to be blessed with his presence....

At the very least a nice steak dinner... Cash is always nice... Any car part he has that you might need.. something.... In my younger days a night at the strip club woulda been fine...

 

[jmk77379]

As long as the owner is a friend and is attempting to work side by side and learn, it’s free. I won’t do it for any amount as a hired hand. I have a day job. At the end of a satisfying day cold beers go a long way.

 

[khryslerkid]

You could offer money to each one and I bet they would turn it down, if they are true car guys. Then after the refusal you could offer each one a case of their favorite beverage. Probably turn you down on that too. Helping someone less fortunate doesn't require payment as much as mentioning the appreciation.

Sometimes I find myself on the receiving end of someone's help and they won't accept anything. I believe it makes them feel better not accepting anything. I know it makes me feel better about the act of giving without payment.

 

[1 Wild R/T]

As long as the owner is a friend and is attempting to work side by side and learn, it’s free. I won’t do it for any amount as a hired hand. I have a day job. At the end of a satisfying day cold beers go a long way.

If that were the case I agree to a point, but first knowing Greg I'm guessing this is another "Car Club Buddy" who is there to get help but doesn't reciprocate & doesn't have the skills to actually help....

Greg allows himself to get dragged in cause in spite of his strange Gay Midgit posts he's a nice guy....

I've done this stuff for a living to long to keep giving it away, if it's a younger guy who's willing to do the heavy work while I teach the technical stuff then I'm there & I'll buy the pizza & beer when we're done... But the old guy who wants a few guys to do the work while he watches... No thanks..

 

[khryslerkid]

Greg allows himself to get dragged in cause in spite of his strange Gay Midgit posts he's a nice guy....

 

[Lefty71]

I would first provide some type of dinner and drinks.......I would give each an equal certain amount of cash for the help and time......

Especially, when you said installing headers.......

I'll eat your food all day long, AND IT BETTER BE GOOD! I'll drink your beer all day long, AND IT BETTER BE COLD! But I don't want your money, that just what friends are for, regardless of anyones age, knowledge level, etc. Headers might require additional beer tho, lol. Lefty71

 

[chtampa]

Fire up the grill and throw them a yard party.

 

[BeatersRus]

please,dont tell us he took you all to burger king and gave you 20 bucks each..lol!

if,its a friend,like posted above,its free and they usually push money./food whatever on me and i usually refuse the cash,the food hey mans gotta eat.
if its a guy like you are describing,thats a tough question.
sounds like about 3-500 worth of labor.
i charge 200-400 for motor swaps,by myself and you had 3 guys there sooo.

 

[moparnation74]

I'll eat your food all day long, AND IT BETTER BE GOOD! I'll drink your beer all day long, AND IT BETTER BE COLD! But I don't want your money, that just what friends are for, regardless of anyones age, knowledge level, etc. Headers might require additional beer tho, lol. Lefty71

I dont change who I am and what I offer....one can accept it or not.......

 

[khryslerkid]

Let's say you and two other guys are doing this work for this 76 yr old dude and he hasn't offered you anything, send him a bill.

 

[1 Wild R/T]

Different example but shows how some folks can be...

A good friend of mine knew someone lookin to sell their ranchette..
He also knew someone looking to buy a ranchette...
He went to school with someone who's become a well known realtor here in town... He hooked his realtor friend up with both ends of the deal... A $740K deal which means at 5% the realtor & the company he's partners in made $37K... What would be a fair gesture to compensate the man who connected these people?

The realtor took him to lunch... At McDonalds..

Think it's a fluke, turns out another friend of mine's sister is married to Mr Bigshot Realtor..
This friend happens to be a contractor & they had at one point started to flip houses as a team... My buddy was 50/50 on the investment side so he had some money in the purchase & covered all the costs to rehab the house...

When the first house sold the trouble began, the realtor kept all the profits & only reimbursed my buddy his actual costs & labor....

They no longer have any contact....

 

[Slantscamp]

It depends on the relationship I guess. But if you come help me put my engine and headers in, I will feed you tri tip and beer.

 

[beanhead]

Backrubs and martinis? I'm kidding. This is the fella you mentioned awhile back? Good of you to still be helping him out. Just be careful if he starts dimming lights and puts Sinatra on the hi-fi....

Okay, okay...I'd at the very least have a cooler full of water/gatorade/sodas, and beer if they were the type that could have a few and still handle business. And lunch, or dinner for sure. Plus some cash if they were more hired gun types as opposed to those with whom I have more of a you-help-me-I-help-you relationship..knowing a trade is helpful sometimes, too, as I'm sure you know. I've traded electrical work for all kinds of stuff over the years.

 

[JB400]

Before even making the call, I'd make sure to have plenty of cold drinks and maybe a few snacks. Afterwards, I'd tell them when the next party was and/or make sure they had my number to see how I could help them.

I'd keep the money out of the situation. Usually, someone feels cheated or like they're cheating somebody else.

 

[Sahara]

I don’t think cash is the way to go. Unless the helpers are poor he can’t give them enough to matter. If he can give enough cash to matter he can afford to hire it out. Sooo...
A nice supper at a real restaurant is fine. Doesn’t have to be a suit and tie place, just good food. Shake each ones hand, look them in the eye, and say “thank you”.

The good times with good friends is the payoff here, not money, beer, or food.

 

[GetX'd]

I’m guessing this is the guy you’ve brought up before. Either way - I would have had the beer and food there all along. When the job was done I’d offer up some cash or a guys night out as a gesture of good will and great appreciation. It’s a bit like helping someone move that can’t help much due to age of disability. If I’m one of the guys that helped - frankly I wouldn’t expect more than a few cold ones, a pizza and a hearty thanks. No money or fancy dinner necessary. The gesture would have been nice though.

 

[Danny Boy]

I'm galled by folks and sometimes family members who are well off asking for help to save a buck for themselves at your expense...

 

[Kern Dog]

Knowing Greg I'm guessing this is another "Car Club Buddy" who is there to get help but doesn't reciprocate & doesn't have the skills to actually help....
Greg allows himself to get dragged in cause in spite of his strange Gay Midgit posts he's a nice guy....

You hit the nail on the head without even having seen it.
Holeeeee ****.
So guess what our grand payment was for our efforts.....
5 1/2 hours, ONE bottle of water.
Yeah....
NO food, NO beer, NO snacks, NO thanks until I told him near the end that he should have been thanking us and offering to pay. I was kidding about the money. I was absolutely NOT kidding about the thanks.
In my experience, the guy getting the help always offers food and drinks, BEER if the guys want it.
I would have refused money.
I would have not refused food. The Wife is flat out pissed to see me help a guy this clueless. Its as if he is a Social Savant...He is either clueless as to social protocol or is a cheap and thoughtless prick.
I am always getting people asking for help with something. If it isn't an all day thing, I'm willing to lend a hand. I see it as karma....Maybe God and the universe sees my efforts and somehow good fortune will come my way.
I have GOT to learn how to say no to people without feeling guilty about it.
This guy bit off waaaaaay more than he could chew and is leaning on everyone he can to build this car. Some time ago he wanted to rebuild the front suspension and convert it to disc brakes. I told him that I would do one side, let him watch and then he would do the other side. All I heard is you are so much stronger, I don't have the endurance that you do and other excuses. The whole story of Tom Sawyer and fence painting came to mind.
The guy had no 1/2" drive tools. You need these for suspension and steering work.
He couldn't figure out how to install torsion bars. He couldn't get the grease boots on. He was able to put the C clips in at the torsion bar crossmember though.
Today we put the engine and headers in, set the 2' level across the valve covers and rocked the engine around until it was level then I hung around about a half hour thinking he would offer to get sandwiches or a pizza.
No, we each got a bottle of water.