Children

[dickdale]

When did you decided that you did/didn't want to have children?

I just can't make up my mind. Of course all of our friends with children are positive about them/give there live for them and never want to loose them. A lot of friends/family have one or more children but we don't. I.m 35 now and my girlfriend is 32, so her biological clock is ticking. So if we do want to have children, we also must be lucky to get pregnant.

I know there are couples that don't even think about it and just jump in. There are also couples that want children but just can't get pregnant.

We never had a strong opinion about it.

There are a lot of pros and cons about having children. What's your opinion?

 

[djais1801]

I have lived a life of "peter pan" syndrome lol...never thought i'd get married...got married at 38-destination wedding in Mexico..awesome (took the fear out of it..cause it didn't feel like a wedding).
My wife was the driving force to have children, she is 11 yrs younger and all her friends were on their 2nd kids. I am quite comfortable saying that I could've gone w/out having children, as I am not ashamed to admit that I am self centered, kind and giving...but definitely self centered..
So, wife as I said wanted kids, and I wanted a happy wife...so as I was barely wrestling with the fact that we were gonna try to have one child, I end up with TWINS!! Her father is an identical twin..
I do absolutely love my kids, but no "magic switch" went off in me...like "life makes sense" now...My stress level has definitely gone up, but I do enjoy them now (1 yr old).. The first 6 mos were hell..not gonna lie..but it's better now.
Sorry if I offend certain members that can't comprehend others that don't feel "complete" or shall I say that their lives aren't defined by children or being a parent. For me, it's just another chapter to my journey (told you I was self centered)
With twins, there is noooooo downtime..you're always holding, changing, cleaning, something...
Good luck!

 

[Cranky]

I never was a kid person but once we had one and after she was about 5 months old, I connected with her and really got into the kid scene but my wife at the time went Godzilla on me and never trusted me to be around her by myself, even after she was a year old and running all over me, my wife was always on my *** to quit being so rough etc. She was always afraid that I would hurt her and hovered over her constantly. I was always careful to make sure I wasn't too rough and even added extra padding under the carpets in the house and got rid of furniture that had pointed edges. There were a lot of other things that changed drastically after the baby was born and I just got to where I couldn't live like that anymore. After the divorce, the X took it upon herself to do whatever was in her power to keep me away from my daughter and 29 years later, I may as well not even have a daughter. Nothing I say or do is right and I'm tired of it. Fast forward...I remarried and she had a 9 year old girl. She was pretty good until she turned 12. It's not easy to try and be a dad to someone else's children especially when her dad is using her as ammo against his X. It was a mess and in the mean time, we had our own together. She turned out pretty good except for college. She quit in her junior year and now I'm saddled with 100k in college loans at 62 years of age. So, having kids hasn't been a good experience for me. Marriage is tough and when you put kids into the mix, that goes up 50 fold imo...especially when you are trying to raise step kids too. I was 33 before having my first one and imo, by then you are pretty set in your ways and kids will totally change life as you know it. It could be great but it's a permanent deal and one you will have to commit to even if it things go lousy.

 

[dryheat]

It was easy for me to decide. Just two little words ... "I'm late" ... "Late for what?" I said. Nothing was ever the same after that ... it was way better!

 

[1970GTX]

I never really wanted any children however when I was 39, mother nature and a birth control pill failure decided otherwise. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now my only regret is that I never had a son.

 

[99ss]

I got married at 34 and had my first kid at 35 second at 36 or somewhere around there.. Kids complete your life unless you are very selfish. If all you have time for is yourself then you don't want kids.
My kids are the best thing I have ever done. You shouldn't have an issue getting her pregnant either unless you have a low sperm count issue and that wouldn't really have anything to do with your age at this point. More than one is preferred as they have a sibling when you are all gone is my thought. Love my kids, don't really remember life without them to be honest. Raising someone to be a good person is the single best thing you can do in the world besides curing cancer. There really aren't any cons to having kids. Its a commitment and if you are married or together for a long time you already know what that is.

 

[plowman]

Your lose in you don't

 

[ZR9B]

when my wife said...IM PREGNANT!!!! the second time it was do you want another kid....good because we are....I should have know that place was dangerous.

 

[plowman]

My son and his wife has been trying everything and has spent thousands in order to get a baby with no luck and now are pursuing adoption

 

[99ss]

Good for them. Lot of children out there need good loving homes.

 

[69Coronetrt]

When did you decided that you did/didn't want to have children?

I just can't make up my mind.

When I sad the same thing to one of my friends. He replied, "If you are indecisive about having kids, then you shouldn't".

If you aren't convinced you want kids...don't.

Never having any, I don't know if I miss it or not. Life is OK without them. I have a lot more free time and money to spend on my wife and me. Yet, my car will never invite me over for Christmas dinner or visit me in the rest home.

 

[satman72]

I didn't really care one way or the other. My wife & I were both 24 when we got married. Fast forward 5 yrs or so; Well, we're 30 we should think about it. Well, she's pregnant. Cool. April 1991 our son is born. November 1994, Son #2 comes along. 22 yrs later; my verdict is that it was the worst thing that could have happened to us, but it was also the best thing that could have happened. You think old Mopars are expensive, have a child.
I've been very fortunate that I've had no issues with my sons. They both have gown to become fine young men. Watching them grow up is an experience I would not trade for anything.

There is no denying it. Having children is the biggest responsibility you will take on in your life. There is no instruction manual given. You are going to go on a wing & a prayer, simply because all kids are different. Who knows what will happen in life? No one. I didn't know how my kids were going to end up. All I could do was be "Dad".

 

[djais1801]

When I sad the same thing to one of my friends. He replied, "If you are indecisive about having kids, then you shouldn't".

If you aren't convinced you want kids...don't.

Never having any, I don't know if I miss it or not. Life is OK without them. I have a lot more free time and money to spend on my wife and me. Yet, my car will never invite me over for Christmas dinner or visit me in the rest home.

Your car will never tell you they got some girl pregnant at 14..or come home pregnant at 14...your car will never call you from the police station..:icon_jokercolor:

 

[eagleone1983]

I don't think there is any possible to way to fully tell you are ready or to prepare yourself to be a parent. It's all on the job training. Since both my wife and I are military we have no family close to us so we were on our own. My daughter is 2.5 now and I couldn't imagine life without her. It's actually kind of wierd because when my daughter is at the babysitters or playing next door some days my wife and I get bored and want her back at the house.

All it took for us to make the decision was a free cocktail hour at the hotel we were staying at and my wife forgetting her birth control before we went on vacation. Maybe she planned it that way. Either way it only took one "shot" for me and about 3 weeks later I noticed her boobs seemed bigger/fuller. Preganancy test later, we knew we were in it.

 

[satman72]

Your car will never tell you they got some girl pregnant at 14..or come home pregnant at 14...your car will never call you from the police station..:icon_jokercolor:

Yes, but "your" kid will never leave you stranded at the side of the road! Well, maybe he/she might. But, that is a chance you take as a parent. As one, All I can say is... "I did my best" I took the responsibility of raising this child to the best of my ability. Did I make mistakes? Sure! Did I do it intentionally? Hell no! Can I help? Am I willing to help? There I answer Yes!. There are basically two words involved here. Simple little three letter words but they mean a hell of a lot. They are "Mom" & "Dad" When those simple words mean something, then you are ready to be a parent.

 

[NJRR]

Had my son at 30, my daughter at 33. They're 22 and 19 now. They are my favorite people in my life (ok, the wife is up there too-lol). It's an awesome thing telling your son to mow the grass and he says, sure Dad. Oh yeah, I had him change the starter on my RR !!!!! Teach em responsibility right from the start and teach them to respect people. There are no guarantees in life, but I would not change how mine went for anything in the world.

 

[gerovingio]

You will never be at a point were you are 100% ready to have a son/daughter. There is a lot of uncertainty & unknowns. After being on my own for 29 years and doing whatever I wanted, overnight I was a stepdad and my girlfriend (now wife) got pregnant. It has been a rough and difficult period of adjustment for me because "your time" is no longer yours. The kids will always come first, then your wife, then the house chores, then activities with your wife's married friends, then the dog, then the guinea pig....etc. Maybe, just maybe, around midnight when everyone is asleep you will get some "spare time" to work on your car with the help of some red bull.
I agree as well that kids will put a lot of stress on a marriage, especially if one of them is a stepchild like my case.
I'll put it this way, If her oral contraceptives had not failed, I would not be trying to have kids. Having said that, I love my son to death, he makes me extremely happy, and I could not see myself without him in my life. He's a total trip!
So... you gotta be able to put up with the cons if you want the pros

 

[Budnicks]

I won't sugar coat it for ya !!!... As someone who has raise 6 children, 3 girls, 1 boy, also my niece & my nephew from about age 4 & 6 or so, now they're all thru & all done with college, all out of the house, thank GOD !!... I didn't really want kids... I loved being a bachelor, I loved chasing a different skirt & getting laid in every city, that I went to... I loved staying out until all hrs of the night every weekend, with my friends or chasing skirts, bar hoping etc... I didn't even ever want to be married... Let alone have kids... Hell, I didn't even like having someone live with me, other than my dogs... I was traveling allot, working allot, racing allot... I didn't have time for raising a family, the way I thought they should be raised or to not have yet another divorce in my family, like most everyone else had... My saintly mother basically raised 3 kids & mostly all on her own, worked 2 or 3 jobs to give us everything we needed, until I was about 6... I swore if I ever had kids, that crap wouldn't happen... My beloved Pops, as much as I love & respect him now, was an immature & basically, just a sperm donor, he didn't want a family, he was too busy chasing everything in a skirt {sound familiar} & only got married, because that's what they did in 1950's when a woman got knocked up... My mom was a 16 y/o sophomore in HS & Pop's was a 18 y/o senior in HS... My Pops was out of my life from the age of 18 months old, until I was about 13 y/o, before I moved in with him & his new wife, the utter-bitch with 4 other kids... I didn't ever want to be like most men back then... I felt you needed to be stable have a great income, to support your family like they should be supported/taken care of & not have to go thru a broken home like I did... Don't get me wrong I had it pretty good, I knew kids that had it much worse than I did... But I thought it could have been "allot better" & if I couldn't offer that, then I wasn't going to have kids... Fast forward I met a great woman "hot cowgirl" Lisa, that didn't want to change me, she loved what I did, she loved traveling & racing too, she didn't look down on me at all, we both had respect for each other... She excepted me for who I was & unfortunately she suddenly/unexpectedly died of kidney & liver failure, soon after the youngest girl was born, I was left to raise a family now all on my own... Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, I love my niece & nephew, I loved spending time, going to sporting events school event, having all their friends over all the time, with all of them... But I don't think they made me "complete or any such nonsense", I think I was a pretty well rounded & complete person, long before I had any kids, but they made me a more patient & a better more understanding person probably, than the single & skirt chasing bachelor I was, before I met Lisa or the kids came along... It ain't cheap having & raising children, kids will eat every dime you earn, they are very expensive to say the least, they take all your free time, even the great ones "get into trouble, sooner or later"... Boys were much easier after about 5 or 6, girls were great until about 12-13, there is way too many moody hormonal raging little teenage girls/******* out there... I'm proud of all my kids, they were all pretty much a total pain in the a$$ thou, like I said "I won't sugar coat it"... I miss them now & when they visit, it's really great, but I also can't wait for a nice quite house again, when they all leave too...LOL... If your not sure, don't do it, if your sure, be prepared to spend your years of your youth & all your money working extremely hard, raising & paying for the little humans, that you brought into this world & it's your responsibility to raise them well & give them every advantage, that's humanly possible for you to give them or teach them, to the best of your abilities or you should not ever have any children, if you can't or wont, think you can actually do that.... My $0.02 cents

 

[Dennis H]

Can't think of a better place to get advice than here. I was a lousy father at age 19. At 35, you would be better. That said, I see people my age with adult children who wreck their lives. If in doubt, then I say no.

 

[tallhair]

I'll just say this. I can't stand the thought of life without any one of my children or my wife. I could live w/o my MOPARS as much as I love EVERYTHING about these old beasts but I would give up everything I've ever had or ever will to keep my family healthy and happy. I'll acknowledge that I'm pretty damn self centered (really I think everyone is and that's natural no matter how we act or think), but not when it comes to the family or me.