True, but my relationship with my brother and sister went sour long before my parents died.
Friends that you had to let go.
- Thread starter Kern Dog
- Start date
True, but my relationship with my brother and sister went sour long before my parents died.
- Local time
- 5:39 AM
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2020
- Messages
- 2,920
- Reaction score
- 9,844
- Location
- State College, Pennsylvania
Sadly, this is not unusual (speaking from personal experience, and wearing my lawyer hat.) The final distribution really puts the cards on the table.
GetX'd
Making Life Great Again!
- Local time
- 2:39 AM
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2014
- Messages
- 11,896
- Reaction score
- 13,137
- Location
- Laguna Beach, CA
I had another older brother that was the executor to my parents estate. What a pos the way he mishandled his fiduciary responsibilities - I cared less for any of it - Almost told him to give my share to another member because I and a couple of others were so disgusted with his manipulations. Again - I don’t put up with **** from any of them - and when it came to him and this issue daMn good thing for him he lives on the opposite coast. POS.....
Very sadly so, this also happened to me. He was a high school friend, we played in the same band for almost 30 years together. Then one day, he couldn’t play anymore, wouldn’t say why. Come to find out he had been molesting his daughter for the past 10 years. Some things started to click, at practice he always ran out to use his phone to call home and check up on her and the family, he threw one member under the bud to cover his *** and try not to trigger her into spilling the beans. The last straw for her was the Larry Nassar incident at Michigan State. With the help of Detroit Tigers players whom she babysat for, they went after him and he was done. 17-29 years. It had a profound effect on me, that even now, years later has not faded. That kind of thing really takes it’s toll on your ability to see people the same way again.
I have what some would call a photographic memory, I remember everything. I call it a curse, because it also comes with the everlasting grudge I tend to keep.
Glad to say when it came time to divvy up my folks possessions and cash it went well. None of the bickering, took turns on who took what, no issues.
On the other hand, my mother had a best friend for over 20 years; they worked together. They liked to go to the casinos together and the agreement was they would split their winnings. My mother always split her winnings; but came time when her friend won a huge 6-figure bingo jackpot. My mom had given her the pack she had purchased (the winning one), so she could find a table while my mom waited in line to buy another. Oh the true colors arose when it came time to split that winning. The family of my mother’s friend got all over her about no way the winnings should be shared. So? Nope, no split. It hurt my mom deeply after all she had done for her over the years. My mother was a kind soul wanting to let it slide after a while; but I reminded her of this superficial friendship saying she is NO friend and they never spoke to one another again.
On the other hand, my mother had a best friend for over 20 years; they worked together. They liked to go to the casinos together and the agreement was they would split their winnings. My mother always split her winnings; but came time when her friend won a huge 6-figure bingo jackpot. My mom had given her the pack she had purchased (the winning one), so she could find a table while my mom waited in line to buy another. Oh the true colors arose when it came time to split that winning. The family of my mother’s friend got all over her about no way the winnings should be shared. So? Nope, no split. It hurt my mom deeply after all she had done for her over the years. My mother was a kind soul wanting to let it slide after a while; but I reminded her of this superficial friendship saying she is NO friend and they never spoke to one another again.
- Local time
- 5:39 AM
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2020
- Messages
- 2,920
- Reaction score
- 9,844
- Location
- State College, Pennsylvania
I have a close friend whose wife did this with her mother. They hit on the lottery a decade ago, and split one million with no issues. The exception that proves the rule. Family is somewhat odd, in a good way.
When my parents passed away, my brother and I shared ALL the work and when it was all said and done, he wrote me a check to the penny. I remember him saying that would have been the way mom and dad would have wanted it. The key words here are mom and dad and the example that good people follow.
3sloppydogs
Well-Known Member
- Local time
- 5:39 AM
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2019
- Messages
- 1,362
- Reaction score
- 3,628
- Location
- carroll county MD.
My brother and I stopped talking after my mom passed. My father passed a couple years before her but was still sharp at 90. My mother suffered from alzheimer or however you spell it.
My dad is buried in Arlington national cemetery my mom is still in an urn somewhere. She is supposed to be buried with my dad as allowed. He walked away with everything they had. I know he is greedy and self centered but not to what extent. My mom always said college ruined him, but he was headed that way before college. We are polar opposites on politics, religion and reality.
Having learned from that my wife and i sat the 3 boys down and discussed our wills and who wants or gets what. Hopefully that won't cause issues when we go. We also let them know about updates to the wills.
My dad is buried in Arlington national cemetery my mom is still in an urn somewhere. She is supposed to be buried with my dad as allowed. He walked away with everything they had. I know he is greedy and self centered but not to what extent. My mom always said college ruined him, but he was headed that way before college. We are polar opposites on politics, religion and reality.
Having learned from that my wife and i sat the 3 boys down and discussed our wills and who wants or gets what. Hopefully that won't cause issues when we go. We also let them know about updates to the wills.
I fronted all the money to the tune of about 13-14 grand needed to cover my mom’s funeral expenses and continuing bills until her estate could be settled and I kept track of every penny. With all the work Submit and I had done, we could have put in for financial compensation for all of our time spent, but I just wanted to get through it without creating any conflict of my own on top of what my brother and sister were creating. Surprisingly, neither one questioned what was due to me for my expenses.
Your mom deserves better than that, I'm sorry. My brother would never have been able to walk away, crawl maybe, dragging two broken legs...
Last edited:
j-c-c-62
Well-Known Member
Guys, research a "Ladybird Deed", it's a simple reversible low cost way at each end to steer your likely biggest asset to those you chose and takes out a lot of potential for greediness to enter the picture.
A trust lawyer would be best to explain and set-up of course.
A trust lawyer would be best to explain and set-up of course.
Last edited:
In one account of my mother’s my brother and I closed out, the check came out with one cent after the total. Gave it to my brother saying keep that bro being the first born. Week later got an envelope in the mail from my brother. In it was a perfectly cut half – penny.
That's way to cool!! Congrats on having a true brother that gets it and has a great sense of humor.
I always tease my brother by telling him if he ever needs a kidney, I got him covered. If he needs a heart, he's going to die.. LOL
- Local time
- 10:39 AM
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2021
- Messages
- 1,232
- Reaction score
- 5,473
- Location
- Principality of Sealand
So...there ARE some advantages to being an only child of two only children and married to [functionally] an orphan...
j-c-c-62
Well-Known Member
That reminds me of the lone child in court seeking bail for murdering his parents.
The Judge asked him why he deserved bail.
He said because he was an orphan.
Sadly for me, I am going through this right now with my wife and her sister. The Mom passed and left them both a ladybird deed in their names, and before she died insisted they work together to finalize her estate. It has been anything but that! The sister does nothing, she’s “too overwhelmed”, both at home and with the situation. There’s a property line issue that I’ve been entrusted to fix, which I’ve had no problem doing, except for the fact that the sister “just wants it done”, but does nothing to help. I’ve spent hours upon hours with the lawyers, the folks who are involved, the buyers who are waiting patiently, and I ask nothing for my time or effort. Of course tho, I’m the asshole as always. My wife made me fill out a list of everything I’ve done, from clean out the house, fix it up, paint the entire place, and do all the legal stuff. I have a very low estimate of 100 hours and almost $9k into this, and I want nothing but to be done. We just turned in the bill, as the property line issue has been resolved and they are ready for a closing. I’m waiting for the **** storm to start because of the bill. For a pair that was supposed to “work as a team”, it has been anything but. I keep telling my wife that if she wants any kind of relationship with her sister, they have to work together on this, but sadly so, that never happened, and now won’t. In the end, I’ll be the asshole to my SIL, because in her eyes, that’s what I am. I just want to go back to the relationship I’ve had with her and her husband….NONE. I just want my time and sanity back!
I completely get it. When we started collecting my mother's mail, every day she would get a pile of junk mail from various animal rescue places all over the country and when we started looking into her checkbook, we discovered that she was giving money to many of them to the tune of thousands of dollars a year. What I have found with any of these "charitable" organizations that when you give to one, they come after you several times a year, plus you get put on what I call a sucker's list. Once you give to one, three more come after you and it keeps multiplying from there. My wife spent countless hours over a several weeks calling these places up to say that she was deceased and to take her of their lists. Some even asked my wife if she wanted to become a donor!
I guess there are advantages to being born poor southern white trash after all. There wasn't anything to feud over after our parents died. It's just my older brother and myself and I just don't believe anything could have come between us even if we had been born into money.
j-c-c-62
Well-Known Member
Not to lose sight of the big picture here, how messy would it have been without the "ladybird" in place?
- Local time
- 3:39 AM
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2017
- Messages
- 3,316
- Reaction score
- 8,054
I also call it the sucker list, and I resent the fact that such a thing exists.
We donate to a few well known, ethical charities. It angers me that they sell their donor list to other charities.
So we get the constant phone calls, especially at this time of year. I can usually tell what they are as soon as I pick up, as there is a long delay while their computer transfers from autodialer to live operator. I hang up if there is any sort of delay. If one does get through, as soon as they mention that this call is being recorded I hang up. Otherwise I just politely say that we are not prepared to donate at this time. Unlike many others I am at least polite. They are just some poor shmoe trying their best at a thankless, minimum wage or less job.
Similar threads
