The "I'm so old thread......"
- Thread starter Cranky
- Start date
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get that?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel.
The pharmacist faints.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get that?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel.
The pharmacist faints.
MrJLR
Jeff
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I'm so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick...
Jeff
Jeff
Duckmanreno
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I remember using a machine to punch IBM cards
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I'm so old i remember when a 5 dollar bill will fill up your gas tank, and even get glasses, plates, green stamps, yellow stamps, with your purchase.
Now 5 bucks won't even get you a gallon, anymore.
Now 5 bucks won't even get you a gallon, anymore.
I'm so old 1 gas pump was for unleaded and the other 5 were leaded gas!!
Mopars & Missiles
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Some from my collection over the years.......
Kentucky Tennessee & Toll Roads are from 1970 - Standard Oil maps, I worked at Standard at the time.
Ohio map is from 1971 - I worked for Shell in 1973 & 74
Nebraska & Colorado from 1975 - drove my Super Bee to Rocky Mtn Natl Park for a vacation in '75.
Those were the days my friend! Sounds like a song I've heard before?
BB BELLA
Well-Known Member
Two 90 year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day.
One day Frank said, "Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."
Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, "Frank you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Leo passed away. A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Frank ... Frank …"
"Who is it?" asked Frank sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
“Leo. it's me, Leo."
"You're not Leo. Leo just died."
"I'm telling you it's me, Leo," insisted the voice.
"Leo! Where are you?"
"In Heaven," replied Leo. "I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
"Tell me the good news first," said Frank.
"The good news," Leo said, "is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Frank. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
One day Frank said, "Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."
Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, "Frank you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Leo passed away. A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Frank ... Frank …"
"Who is it?" asked Frank sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
“Leo. it's me, Leo."
"You're not Leo. Leo just died."
"I'm telling you it's me, Leo," insisted the voice.
"Leo! Where are you?"
"In Heaven," replied Leo. "I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
"Tell me the good news first," said Frank.
"The good news," Leo said, "is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Frank. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
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Mopars & Missiles
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I haven't head this phrase souping up in years
BB BELLA
Well-Known Member
I'm so old I can barely remember what FDS tastes like! I know it wasn't good I'm not that old!
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