Friends that you had to let go.

[Kern Dog]

We have all had friends that eventually got too much to take.

Over the last several years, I have noticed something about people that has affected how much I am willing to tolerate.
SOME people talk about themselves too damned much.
To me, the most interesting person is the one that engages others in conversations. The dialog is a shared one and isn't one sided.
The absolute worst is the guy that only talks about what HE is interested in.
I went here, I went there, I bought this, I sold that.....
I know some guys that are great though. They ask questions, talk about tech, family stuff, current events and don't make every subject revolve around themselves.
TWO separate terminal bachelors that I've known always talk about themselves and show almost no interest in what anyone else wants to say.
Why is that? I know it isn't limited to just bachelors but I wonder if a lifetime of NOT having a woman around to care for tends to render them completely selfish.
Every car show that I go to, I see guys that I haven't seen in several months if not a year. Some are considerate people. Many are not. I always try to remember their car and ask them about it. Some reciprocate. Some see my question as an excuse to give a 17 minute monolog about everything on their minds. These are the ones that are slowly being added to the list of people I don't care to speak with that much.
I've mentioned this issue to many people that I know and some have said they feel the same way.
Tim is a guy that I've known for more than 12 years. He used to live in town but moved away for a job. He calls and wants to talk about everything HE is interested in. When I try to elaborate on something from my own day, I get the obvious signs of disinterest, followed by Okay, I gotta get going.
The last time he did this, in closing, I said...."Well, it was great listening to everything that YOU wanted to talk about".
He was surprised....What do you mean by that??
The guy was clueless. He is a software engineer but not smart enough to take a hint on this.
I like having friends but if the ones I have only see me as someone to listen to THEM talk all the time, I'll quit taking their calls.
How about you?
Have you had buddies with bad habits you just couldn't take?

 

[RemCharger]

I have some decent stories in this area. Good thread starter.

 

[Hey-O]

Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, I've been called that a few times. Sometimes people just need to feel good about themselves. You might be the guy they need to talk to about themselves because they look up to you, approval, you might say. You've done well and they want you to know they have too.

 

[Kern Dog]

Well, ****...Ulli, I never saw it like that. I don't know if you're right or not but I'll consider that.
Often times I feel like these guys just want to brag and boast to someone and I get caught up in it.
I come across as brash and offensive sometimes but in person, I am often very polite and friendly. Some people do take advantage of that.

I knew a guy from High School that I was friends with for years. He had a BAD temper and was often irrational about things.
The guy broke 7 Milwaukee Skilsaws in one year, bashing them at work when he got pissed. He worked construction for most of his life.
He always thought the world was against him too. Traffic lights, slot machines, gravity, logic....
The final straw was how blatantly racist he became. He wasn't always that way. Something happened over time.
Now, I love humor of all kinds, even racial jokes. To me, the offensive stuff is just obnoxious humor.
He was different. He hated Mexicans, blacks, Asians, everyone that wasn't white.
He got to where he'd go on a job and decide if he'd be interested in working there depending on the amount of Mexicans he saw on the job.
I couldn't stand that EVERY time he called, he'd go off on another tirade about how he hates Mexicans, how they "Took Over" construction and how he wanted to get rid of them.
To give you an idea of this guys mindset....One time a girlfriend broke up with him and he was pissed about it. He was out hunting and came across a dead lamb. He hauled that to his truck and then drove to an arena where a concert was being held. The ex was there so he paid the parking fee and drove down every row until he found her car, then put the dead lamb on her hood.
Yeah...he told me about this as if I was going to understand and congratulate him for it.

 

[Hey-O]

There are all kinds of people in this world. There was a thread that was started earlier, was deleted, about blacks not being strong-willed enough to live in the wilds of Alaska. You know who he is and I explained to him, never mind, you got the picture. They live among us and we deal with their bullshit or walk away. I'm very different in my real world and try very hard not to lose my composure on a minute to minute basis sometimes. I tend to carry on sometimes because I spent most of my life listening and doing damage control.

 

[Kern Dog]

Sorry, I don't understand what you wrote. Somehow, I missed it.
I didn't mean to direct this thread toward racism, just toward how we sometimes have to get away from people that we used to consider friends.

When I was single, I had a lot of "acquaintances". You know, the people that you see but don't really know very well. Those people come and go.
I'm concerned with people that you have spent time with, you know their families, spouses and done things together.

 

[1STMP]

I usually tackle these certain situations
with a sense of humor. Self absorption
can be a real friendship/relationship
killer. I've known many people that
fit that mold. Very few of those do I
stay in contact with.

 

[Kern Dog]

Now that I saw that video, it reminded me that I was aware of these types of self absorbed people back when I was single.
I'd meet some woman in a bar or somewhere else and find out pretty quick if she was worth knowing. I lost interest in the ones that blabbed on and on about themselves, their job, their cat, crappy ex boyfriends......instead of engaging in an informal dual interview of each other like I wanted.
The women that asked NO questions about me never got far, even sex.
It isn't as if I need to be the center of attention. I just prefer a conversation. Listening to a person blab on and on, I might as well be listening to the radio.

 

[1STMP]

Now that I saw that video, it reminded me that I was aware of these types of self absorbed people back when I was single.
I'd meet some woman in a bar or somewhere else and find out pretty quick if she was worth knowing. I lost interest in the ones that blabbed on and on about themselves, their job, their cat, crappy ex boyfriends......instead of engaging in an informal dual interview of each other like I wanted.
The women that asked NO questions about me never got far, even sex.
It isn't as if I need to be the center of attention. I just prefer a conversation. Listening to a person blab on and on, I might as well be listening to the radio.

I didn't date a lot of women before I got
(lucky?) and ended up with the love of
my life. Married at 20, celebrating our
48th anniversary coming up next
month. We see eye to eye on most
everything, but I have learned to
listen when a valid point is made.
Can't remember the last time we've
had an argument.
I'm a pretty good judge of character,
and when I meet someone for the first
time, my spidey senses kick in. I kinda
know right off if that friendship is
worth persuing.

 

[kiwigtx]

The absolute worst is the guy that only talks about what HE is interested in.
I went here, I went there, I bought this, I sold that.....

I have a guy like that in my phone. He would call me up regular as clockwork every month or so on a Monday morning - that's when he was doing nothing much. It got to the point where I was getting interrupted so much and the conversation was always about what he had done, was doing or was going to do. If I managed to get a few words in the reply was usually "mmm...hmmm...uhuh"....total lack of interest....and then straight back about him.

Turns out he was doing this to the same group of guys - some most I knew anyway. I got a call from one of them one day saying they had just had a call.....every dang detail was almost identical. The guy just loves talking about himself.

I eventually had enough and put his number on BLOCK in my phone. Now I get alerts he tried calling, but I don't get the ringing.
I also heard from another friend that I have been difficult to get a hold of.

It might sound cold what I did....but I used to trade with this guy......but slowly the trades were always going his way - and I mean substantially his way. I had just gotten sick of the way I was being used. There was always something in it for him.

 

[Richard Cranium]

I've had friends come in and out of my life, as we all have, but I still do have a small core group of friends that I've had for over 40 years. The ones who have exited my life are ones who I felt were going nowhere when I was in my early - mid twenties.

I did have one long time friend who dumped me about 11-12 years ago. We went on a trip to CA together & we both got on each other's nerves a bit, but he has never talked to me since. His personality is such that if you piss him off you're dead to him I'm not the only one he's done this to and I always knew that my time would come. For quite a while it bothered me, but I'm over it.

 

[Hey-O]

Sorry, I don't understand what you wrote. Somehow, I missed it.
I didn't mean to direct this thread toward racism, just toward how we sometimes have to get away from people that we used to consider friends.

When I was single, I had a lot of "acquaintances". You know, the people that you see but don't really know very well. Those people come and go.
I'm concerned with people that you have spent time with, you know their families, spouses and done things together.

My point was people talk about all kinds of people just to be talking or looking for something to talk about. You may not be interested in it anymore and like Mark said sometimes a time out is needed.

 

[Triplegreen500]

Biggest thing for me these days is people who are always on their goddamned phones. Sit to have a meal...look at the phone. Check the messages. Lapse in conversation (to...you know...eat a bite of food), they start browsing something-or-other.

And of course, the "next generation" of this annoyance? The smart watch. "DING", look at watch. "DING", look at watch. Pick up phone to reply with a text. "DING", look at watch.

Pavlov would be so proud.

 

[Cheapsunglasses]

Why is that? I know it isn't limited to just bachelors but I wonder if a lifetime of NOT having a woman around to care for tends to render them completely selfish.

Not all bachelors are bad

 

[68BabyBlue]

First guy I ever trained in the trucking business fell into the category of someone who talks at you, not with you, to a pathological degree. Like me, he spent his entire career in the trucking industry, and was also a car guy. So I crossed paths with him frequently over four decades, but I never wanted to befriend him, and in later years, I wanted to cry when he cornered me at a car show, and wanted to talk 30 minutes non-stop about the stuff he used to own and do. My wife compared it to Chinese water torture, and warned me that I needed to be careful not to emulate him when I was talking about the GTX. He served as a good role model in setting an example of how not to interact with people.

My daughter is a certified sociopath, but is extremely intelligent, and is a gifted salesperson. Example, when she was in college, she made big money part time, peddling credit cards to folks with sub par credit ratings. She was top telemarketer every single week out of 80 reps working the phones in her call center. Her secret - finding a connection with her mark, and getting them to talk about themselves. Then she would make her score, with no remorse that she was making someone's life worse.

My nemesis in the trucking business was not a bad soul, but miserable to be around. My daughter is charming and entertaining, but would cut your heart out if the price was right. I am fortunate that my granddaughters don't take after her. It seems to alternate generations in my family tree.

 

[luvabbody]

Had a great friend for over 40 years. Met when we were 8. Went through thick and thin together. Stood in each other's weddings. His kid wanted to start an apprenticeship and I was in a position to help him. Kid shot off his mouth in front of the owner of the business. Was "laid off" the next Friday. Dad(my best friend) was curious what went down, so, against my better judgement, I asked a few questions. Told dad what happened and he got pissed at me. Told me that the shop he got the job at was a junk shop, shitty place to work and his kid deserved better! I told him that that's how I started in my trade and it was a great place to learn. He told me" It might've been good enough for you but it's not good enough for my son"!!! I looked at him and told him - I'm outta here! Haven't seen him since or talked to him since. Had to just walk away after that insult. I'm the better person and realized that he was not really a true friend.

 

[Hey-O]

First guy I ever trained in the trucking business fell into the category of someone who talks at you, not with you, to a pathological degree. Like me, he spent his entire career in the trucking industry, and was also a car guy. So I crossed paths with him frequently over four decades, but I never wanted to befriend him, and in later years, I wanted to cry when he cornered me at a car show, and wanted to talk 30 minutes non-stop about the stuff he used to own and do. My wife compared it to Chinese water torture, and warned me that I needed to be careful not to emulate him when I was talking about the GTX. He served as a good role model in setting an example of how not to interact with people.

My daughter is a certified sociopath, but is extremely intelligent, and is a gifted salesperson. Example, when she was in college, she made big money part time, peddling credit cards to folks with sub par credit ratings. She was top telemarketer every single week out of 80 reps working the phones in her call center. Her secret - finding a connection with her mark, and getting them to talk about themselves. Then she would make her score, with no remorse that she was making someone's life worse.

My nemesis in the trucking business was not a bad soul, but miserable to be around. My daughter is charming and entertaining, but would cut your heart out if the price was right. I am fortunate that my granddaughters don't take after her. It seems to alternate generations in my family tree.

My daughter's the same way. The problem with her is compounded by her insane salary she makes. I know where you're going.

 

[wahya]

Not sure if this statement is true or not, but I still have a few friends from 60 years ago.

 

[Triplegreen500]

Not sure if this statement is true or not, but I still have a few friends from 60 years ago.

View attachment 1517343

That's a good point.

Friends I had back then, we'd do for each other NO question. Anytime, anywhere, anything.

Nowadays? There's always 'something'. Family. Work. Life. Some legit; others...excuses not to get out of our "comfort zones".

Even some of the same people - college roommates, for instance. We've drifted apart. Families. Kids. Careers. Nothing malicious, but it's just....different. I guess because we all have more weight on our shoulders nowadays?

 

[old guys rule]

We have all had friends that eventually got too much to take.

Over the last several years, I have noticed something about people that has affected how much I am willing to tolerate.
SOME people talk about themselves too damned much.
To me, the most interesting person is the one that engages others in conversations. The dialog is a shared one and isn't one sided.
The absolute worst is the guy that only talks about what HE is interested in.
I went here, I went there, I bought this, I sold that.....
I know some guys that are great though. They ask questions, talk about tech, family stuff, current events and don't make every subject revolve around themselves.
TWO separate terminal bachelors that I've known always talk about themselves and show almost no interest in what anyone else wants to say.
Why is that? I know it isn't limited to just bachelors but I wonder if a lifetime of NOT having a woman around to care for tends to render them completely selfish.
Every car show that I go to, I see guys that I haven't seen in several months if not a year. Some are considerate people. Many are not. I always try to remember their car and ask them about it. Some reciprocate. Some see my question as an excuse to give a 17 minute monolog about everything on their minds. These are the ones that are slowly being added to the list of people I don't care to speak with that much.
I've mentioned this issue to many people that I know and some have said they feel the same way.
Tim is a guy that I've known for more than 12 years. He used to live in town but moved away for a job. He calls and wants to talk about everything HE is interested in. When I try to elaborate on something from my own day, I get the obvious signs of disinterest, followed by Okay, I gotta get going.
The last time he did this, in closing, I said...."Well, it was great listening to everything that YOU wanted to talk about".
He was surprised....What do you mean by that??
The guy was clueless. He is a software engineer but not smart enough to take a hint on this.
I like having friends but if the ones I have only see me as someone to listen to THEM talk all the time, I'll quit taking their calls.
How about you?
Have you had buddies with bad habits you just couldn't take?

Absolutely agree with everything you just said. Some people enrich our lives and some just drain us. I believe our purpose in life is to find meaning in our lives in a cosmos that is totally neutral. It is THE gift of life to be given the responsibility to create meaning. People look for meaning in life but don't understand that the joy in life is in our giving it meaning. I think that's all and enough.