Tell us a "FUNNY" story

[goose69]

I'm thinking this could be an ANYTHING funny story thread. It could be about something related to your car, bike, house, cat, dog, kids, wife (careful with this one! lol), work, pranks you pulled or were pulled on you, or just a good old "dipstick" move you did yourself.
So here is one. I rode my Kawasaki ZX6 over to a friend's house a bit ago. After visiting for a bit I took off out of the driveway and decided to pull it up into a wheelie and lean it (on it's back tire still) to make a turn out of the driveway. All was going well until I hit some loose gravel in the road. The back tire kicked over on me, I dropped the front tire onto the ground but I was already headed for the ditch. I whipped the bike a bit and it spun me pointing to the other ditch. CRAP, at least this is what I was thinking AND doing!! Somehow (not because of my doing) the bike straightened out and I coasted to a stop. I slowly rode back to my friend's house and they all stood wide eyed. I mentioned that was something I never planned on trying again and they all thought that was a good idea.
The other day I did the praverbial get mad and throw something move. I had just about had it with a chore in the back yard that obviously wasn't going well when I got pissed and threw my long handled tool. Well as fate would have it that damn thing hit the wall and bounced back to hit me. My 5 yr old son was standing there and said, "that wasn't very smart". How intelligent they are at that age!
So I know we all have lots of these stories. Lets dig them all out and share them.:rolling:

 

[Benji]

I used to have a Honda CB 350 and I was showing off in front of the neighborhood kids by pulling the front tire up and riding 50 or 60 feet on the back tire. They were impressed and loudly cheered me on each time. I did this about four or five times. I decided to do it one more time and skeedaddle out of there so I got up some speed before yanking the front end up. Well that was when the chain decided it had had enough and it broke and got wrapped in between the frame and the sprocket. This caused the rear tire/wheel to lock up solid. Me and the bike started to slide on the hot tar oozing up through the chip and seal road. The bike was moving about 40 mph or so, so I fought like craszy to keep it vertical. I succeeded and when it finally came to a stop the kids were absolutely impressed. They all shouted in unison COOL MAN, DO IT AGAIN. I didn't. I dragged it home, fixed it and sold it.

Benji

 

[goose69]

The other day at work I saw a co-worker twisting and contorting his body to get behind a framework and wall we had built. As I walked by he shouted and asked me for another 5/16" nut because he forgot to grab one before crawling in there. Well being the helping yet evil person I am I reached into my pocket and pulled out the perfect nut, one I had found earlier that didn't have any threads (smooth as a baby's butt). It took him a minute to get his arm and hand bent around to accept the nut and to get back into position. I stepped just around the corner to observe. He fought it for a while and then the cursing started. For probably another 3-5 minutes he tried and tried to get that darn nut to thread. After a bit of ranting and raving he crawled out. Looking at the nut I heard him then start to curse at me. My gut hurt so bad from laughing so hard. He didn't see the humor in it for a few hours though.

 

[72Satellite440]

Upon going into my garage and checking my 72 stainless ring for screw locations I found the screws at the 1, 5 and 8 location-

On my way in on the front door I thought my fiance left a bat decoration up from haloween .swatted it to knock it down...but it was a small bat and the thing turned and bit me..scared the **** outa me-threw it outside...ffs I hope you guys get a good laugh outa this....damn...lol

just happened 10 minutes ago-getting info for another thread-

 

[Deleted member 214]

Got my rebuilt gauges the week end before the Mopar Nats. Put them in, hooked it all up, made a run to the parts store. First left hand turn the oil pressure warning light started flashing on and off. Freaked out, wondered if the drain plug fell out and all my oil was gone, if the pickup fell off or went back, oil pressure gauge line broke, or what. Got out of the car, saw no leaks, and il pressure gauge showed 40-60 psi. Kept going and it was fine until I turned into the parts store. Same problem on the way home - oil light going on and off. Got home, then it hit me. Yep, I had put the oil pressure warning light in the socket for the left turn signal and the left turn signal in, you guessed it, the socket for the oil warning light!

 

[goose69]

Got my rebuilt gauges the week end before the Mopar Nats. Put them in, hooked it all up, made a run to the parts store. First left hand turn the oil pressure warning light started flashing on and off. Freaked out, wondered if the drain plug fell out and all my oil was gone, if the pickup fell off or went back, oil pressure gauge line broke, or what. Got out of the car, saw no leaks, and il pressure gauge showed 40-60 psi. Kept going and it was fine until I turned into the parts store. Same problem on the way home - oil light going on and off. Got home, then it hit me. Yep, I had put the oil pressure warning light in the socket for the left turn signal and the left turn signal in, you guessed it, the socket for the oil warning light!

Ok, thats funny stuff.
I also loved the story previously told of the live bat! LOL

 

[goose69]

So my buddy just told me this. He was over visiting a good friend of his drinking beer in the garage and his friend's son is running around. My buddy starts harassing his friend and nudging him and his friend says "Hey, get off me". Right then the son says "Get off me, you're drunk again". My buddy asks the boy where he has heard that before and his reply is "I heard mommy say it to daddy last night". The guy just shrugs his shoulders....
One of the funniest things I've heard a kid say.

 

[DART340H]

Funny!!! My olelady says that to me all the time!!! Ha ha!!

 

[welder47]

Went by a friends house one day, he was cutting the lawn. He had been working on it about 4 hours. he said hows it look, I looked and informed him the grass wasnt cut just pushed over. He says what, I just put new blades on. I looked and sure enough the putz had put them on upside down. So he crawls under there with his wrench says its fixed, I look and they are on wrong again, boy was he mad. Hes like that all the time, just hates it when I come over and critique his work.

 

[PDragon]

So my toy at the time was a 65SS Chevelle...sorry. She's in the garage and I've got motor in and some hook up work to do. I only had a 1 car garage. so I was by myself, I needed to back the car out of the garage into the drive. There was a decent slope. Well growing up on a farm I knew the ole block trick, I knew to move her only a foot at a time, I knew to take my time, roll er back slide the block under the tire...roll'r back slide the block under until I got the doors open.

So as I'm pushing her back I've got a 5 or 6 " block decent right?? NOT REALLY... she decides to just roll right over it. Here she goes down the street as I've placed both hands on top of my head saying no....No ....NOoooooo (as if that would help) I was able to laugh....nothing happened except going to retrieve it.

 

[Deleted member 214]

Had my 440 on an engine stand in the garage while I was re-doing the engine compartment. Cleaned it up, painted it, and decided to prime the oiling system before I put it back in. Had the whole thing buttoned up and ready to go - I thought. Started to prime the oil pump and found out I had forgotten to put the oil pressure sending unit in. Did I say I had an attached garage? The stream of oil went through the screen door, splashing all over as it hit the screen. The oil ended up getting as far as the kitchen ceiling. Do you have any idea how much scrubbing and Kilz primer it took to cover the oil on the ceiling????? I don't think my neighbor, who was helping me on the project, has ever stopped laughing...

 

[goose69]

Had my 440 on an engine stand in the garage while I was re-doing the engine compartment. Cleaned it up, painted it, and decided to prime the oiling system before I put it back in. Had the whole thing buttoned up and ready to go - I thought. Started to prime the oil pump and found out I had forgotten to put the oil pressure sending unit in. Did I say I had an attached garage? The stream of oil went through the screen door, splashing all over as it hit the screen. The oil ended up getting as far as the kitchen ceiling. Do you have any idea how much scrubbing and Kilz primer it took to cover the oil on the ceiling????? I don't think my neighbor, who was helping me on the project, has ever stopped laughing...

Hey, your neighbor isn't the one who wired your turn signal into your oil pressure light in the dash for another good laugh is it? LOL. Sorry, had to ask.

 

[Deleted member 214]

Hey, your neighbor isn't the one who wired your turn signal into your oil pressure light in the dash for another good laugh is it? LOL. Sorry, had to ask.

Nope, I have to take all the credit (or blame) myself!

 

[goose69]

That oil geyser must have looked like "old Faithful"! And can't guess on how much cleaning it took, but I know how much nagging I'd be hearing from the wife the ENTIRE time of cleaning and probably afterwards too.

That's a good one tho!

 

[goose69]

So a while ago a storm went through our area and I was at my buddy's place drinking beer. The wind was blowing hard and of course the power got knocked out. My buddy said lets get out of here and drive downtown. His girlfriend said "how we gonna see where we're going"? He said we'll just turn the headlights on and she said "but the power is out, how are they gonna work"?
I had to laugh. She must have had better things to contribute than her smarts...

 

[Budnicks]

funny

So a while ago a storm went through our area and I was at my buddy's place drinking beer. The wind was blowing hard and of course the power got knocked out. My buddy said lets get out of here and drive downtown. His girlfriend said "how we gonna see where we're going"? He said we'll just turn the headlights on and she said "but the power is out, how are they gonna work"?
I had to laugh. She must have had better things to contribute than her smarts...

That's funny, Is she a blonde ?.... hopefully she looks like this if she's that dumb...

 

[goose69]

LOL! She was a blonde but from my memory she wasn't nearly THAT hot! Btw, someone said there is a car in the pic........ guess I gotta look again.. ha ha!

 

[65SATisfaction]

We have a sassy blonde secretary at work.
One day she told us she got pulled over for big time speeding in her Saab convertible.
Her story:
The trooper walked up to her door and told her: "I've been waiting for someone like you."
She replied: "Well, I got here as fast as I could!"

It would have been nice if she got off, but he still gave her a ticket..
-Art

 

[Deleted member 214]

That oil geyser must have looked like "old Faithful"! And can't guess on how much cleaning it took, but I know how much nagging I'd be hearing from the wife the ENTIRE time of cleaning and probably afterwards too.

That's a good one tho!

I was single at the time. That is why I'm still alive!

 

[quick63]

Several years ago, I took my 67 GTX to a car show sponsored by a local parts house. I parked my GTX beside a 66 SS 396 that was really a nice car for a Bowtie. The owner was a friend of the Parts House owner. He must have $30,000. in the car. It had a 572 crate motor, 5 speed Doug Nash trans, great paint and interior. Every thing was chromed that was bolted on (hood hinges, ecte). The parts house owner walked over and asked me if I would pull out on the street and match race the Chevelle. I said "Sure, I will run him title for title. I allways wanted a Chevelle to fix up!!!" The Chevelle got went off and started running his mouth but never made a move for the street. Typical Bowtie Boy. Everyone cracked up.
I used to own a 70 Challenger drag car that was built by Herb McCandles. It was a fast piece that ran mid 6 seconds in the 1/8 mile. One day at the strip, in the second round, I was paired up with an old dude who made a living bracket racing a Chev. Celebrity that was bone stock. The old man cut great lights and the car ran the dial in most every time. I had a friend helping me and he asked what as I going to dial in. I told him to wait and watch the old man dialed and dial me .05 slower. I did a "funny car'' burnout and pulled to the line. I left wheels in the air and let off in second gear and drove down
the strip right beside the old dude. He crossed the finish line with just a bumper lead and broke out. My buddy said the people in the stands went wild. The old dude went straight to the tower to protest. They denied him and I went to the next round. That's bracket racing...Got to love it!!!