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Tell us a "FUNNY" story

Ok so at work there is a guy parking his company truck in an isle way, the only way in & out of this area of the job site. It usually blocks in 2-4 other trucks when he does this. So being as kind as we can we asked him not to park there as it was trapping our truck along with others. He said he needed a place to park too and he would continue to do so. We reported him to the campus security numerous times to get him moved but nothing has been done. I've even left him notes but he ignores them. He hapens to be about 70lbs overweight and LAZY! That's why he wants to park there, closer to the building.
Well today I had enough. I grabbed a little plastic container and drilled out a few holes in it. Then poured some deer & elk estrigine in it (man that crap is potent), put the lid back on & went out and shuved it under his seat. Within no time the cab was filled with this rancid smell. He came out to drive away but couldn't even get in his truck. Finally rolled down his windows and drove off with his head out of it. Not sure what he'll do the rest of the day but when it starts raining he'll be regreting it! Lol
 
Funny Story

Goose69's post reminded me of this one:

Early afternoon one day (back in the mid 1980's), this guy comes storming thru our large work cubicals area shouting "Who's in my assigned parking place? I'm gonna have it towed!!!" After he moved on, one of our young draftsman came by very nervously saying "What am I gonna do? I parked there after lunch and didn't see any number on the pavement!" Truly, the numbers for the "elite" parking were badly faded and the young fellow was terrified of the likely consequences.

Well, no one really liked the blowhard who was the injured party, so several of us went to see the problem first hand. Yup, the guy had parked his car behind the "offending vehicle" so he couldn't escape. However, it was a line of double parking spots and lo and behold, ahead of our draftsman's car was our department secretary's car (since the dept head was gone, she had parked "up closer" to the entry door).

So we explained to her what had happened, (she didn't like his lack of manners either), got her car keys, moved it out, the young fellow moved his out (and far away), another guy put his car in the offending spot, the secretary's car back, and we all split real quick like.

Soon thereafter the blowhard came storming back thru and asked our secretary if she had seen who moved the car behind hers or if she had helped by moving her car? "Nope", she replied, "sure don't and no, I didn't move my car - been here the whole time!" Which was true of course. The a@@hole went away muttering to himself about how the switch-out could have happened, who it was that was plotting against him, etc....

We all enjoyed the moment needless to say.
 
So this married couple goes to the store...They are on a budget so they agree in the car not to buy anything they really don,t have to have...They walk into the door and beer is on sale....They guy tosses a 24 pack into the basket...The wife says,come on now you really don,t need that and puts it back onto the shelf....They continue shooping and strolled down the womens makeup aisle...So she tosses in eyeliner,lipstiock,anda box of hair dye...He says wait a second we don,t really need that...She says that she wants to look sexy for her husband...He said,What the hell do you think the case of beer was for????
Petty Blue 67 gTx
 
Another time I was working on the North Coast of Alaska in Prudhoe Bay. During the winter is was extremely cold (with wind chill down to -110 deg). The wind would blow up to 60-70mph blowing the snow into every nook and crevis. During the entire winter we would leave our trucks running and plugged in (3 different heaters on them) 24-7. They never really got above luke warm anyways.
Well there was a guy who work with me that was relentless. Every chance he had he'd pester me to no end. Finally 1 day I had enough. He pulled in with his truck, jumped out, plugged it in, and ran inside our building. I knew he would be busy with paper work for the better part of an hour. So I bundled up, went outside, opened his truck and turned it off. Then I rolled his windows down and shut the doors. By the time he got back out there his entire cab was full of snow and everything was frozen. He come stomping back into the building screaming at the top of his lungs demanding to know who did it! unfortunatly for him there were no other trucks to take and he had to clean out the snow and drive off in his truck that mostly resembled a deep freeze.
 
No Mopars involved in this story, but still worth telling...

20 years ago I was driving my first car, a Honda CRX, in San Francisco and a friend of mine was following me in his 1980 Olds Delta 88. Being a smartass, I flipped a neat U turn at a busy intersection, and when he tried to follow his boat couldn't make it. So he had to back up while blocking lines of pissed off drivers, honking and cursing him. He finally pulls up behind me at a stoplight- payback time. He inched forward until his front bumper was just touching my car, then gunned it. My little go cart shot out into the intersection, me screaming in terror, trying to brake against the torque of American steel. Barely missed getting hit by cross traffic, just about pissed myself in fear and laughter. Lesson learned. Don't mess with the bull- you'll get the horns.
 
When I was in high school I bough a 1990 honda cr250 dirt bike. I was ripping around in my front yard with it. I live on a fairly busy road too. Anyways I was ripping the thing through the gears and I tipped it over in third gear right as my high school teacher drove past my house. Nearly broke my leg and the embarrassment wasn't great either. I always say If your gonna be dumb you gotta be tough lol
 
I will try to keep this in a fashion that won't get deleted. It will require some "understanding" if you know what I mean.
Most males understand the discussion about "Tuna"
I was having a discussion with my wife one day about that. She said I was crazy and that was NOT the case! END of discussion.
The very next morning we were both getting ready for work . She had just come out of the shower and was toweling off when our 3 year old daughter came in and used the toilet. Mind you, a 3 year old is about crotch high. She gets off the toilet and as she is standing right in front of the wife rubbing sleep from her eyes says " Mom, something smells like tuna fish in here". The wife IMMEDIATELY screams and hauls *** out of the room, I fall on the floor laughing, and the daughter stands there wondering what she did wrong!
Two days later we are watching "Grumpy Old Men" and at the end of the DVD there are some outtakes. In one of them Burgess Merideth and Jack Lemmon are watching out the window at the neighbor and popping off one liners. Burgess Merideth says "She's takin the skin boat to tuna town tonite" and the wife and I both start rolling on the floor...again, the daughter is standing there wondering "what?"
 
Goose your story reminds me of a rivalry we had with another squad in the Army during A.I.T. End of story, they raccoon pissed our Humvee! They won!
As far as the rest of my stories, the statute of limitations is 7 years. So I may have to wait for a few years.
But while in the National Guard for 11 years, we had camp at this place called "three sisters". It was the highest point in the area for our radio trucks. We would party every night. And dispose of the evidence.
Well, on the last day of summer camp, we got a ride in a Huey with the First Sergeant. The helo-guys needed their flight hours, so they didn't care. Well, we flew over "Three-Sisters". And would you believe! You CAN spot blue-and-silver cans, reflecting sunlight, from 1000 feet!
The radio section was assigned a "police-call" immediately upon our return!
Oh, BTW, a Humvee will NOT fit through the drive-through at the Grayling Burger King! Oops!

Ya know, I think this was also the year that the artillery guys used too large of a charge, and sent a paint-round into a garage off-post!
 
Ok so I had to do this. My partner at work was pestering me quite a bit so before our shift ended I went out to the parking lot and crawled under his truck. I wrapped a couple very large zip ties (tie wraps) around his driveline and left the excess or tail. He drove off and you could hear this 'thwap,thwap,thwap from his truck. He stopped twice while leaving the parking lot and looked around his truck. This morning he came in and no noise, said he drove home stopping 3 or 4 more times trying to figure out where the noise was comming from till finally someone in a parkin lot at a grocery store come over to help and found the zip ties. The other funny part to this was the helper was trying to come up with reasoning for those actualy being there on his driveline. I'm sure I'll get payback today.
 
goose69 said:
Ok so I had to do this. My partner at work was pestering me quite a bit so before our shift ended I went out to the parking lot and crawled under his truck. I wrapped a couple very large zip ties (tie wraps) around his driveline and left the excess or tail. He drove off and you could hear this 'thwap,thwap,thwap from his truck. He stopped twice while leaving the parking lot and looked around his truck. This morning he came in and no noise, said he drove home stopping 3 or 4 more times trying to figure out where the noise was comming from till finally someone in a parkin lot at a grocery store come over to help and found the zip ties. The other funny part to this was the helper was trying to come up with reasoning for those actualy being there on his driveline. I'm sure I'll get payback today.
Click to expand...

That would be funny as hell, That's a great torture trick for car guys, & pretty harmless, I will use it for sure in the future, thanks..
 
Back in the late 80's I don't remember when exactly, I was driving my 1975 Trans AM (I know...don't even say it!) between Wheeling, WV and Columbus, OH on my way to Cincinnati. For any of you who know that stretch you can get into some pretty desolate areas with long stretches between civilization.

Anyhow, I was on one of those desolate stretches when the cigarette I was smoking fell out of my right hand and rolled down between the emergency brake rubber slats in the console. I stuck my hand down there while I was driving and couldn't feel the damn thing. So I pulled over and felt around for it for a couple of minutes and still couldn't find it. But I didn't smell anything burning....so I figured it was probably going to be OK and got back in the car and started driving again.

Well about 3 mins down the road I started smelling melting carpet. I figured ok....no problem it will go out. Well a few minutes later it started smoking...I was in the middle of nowhere. If I had pulled off at one of the exits that were up ahead there was literally nothing off those exits and could have driven 5-10 miles before I found anything. So about a mile or so later it started smoking worse. I figured a fire was inevitable and action was require immediately.

As all this was happening, I was going through in my mind...what the hell do I have to put a fire/smoltering nylon out with. I had no fire extinguisher and the soda can I had had was long since empty.... Then it hit me....I had to piss!

So I pulled the car off onto the emergency lane as far off the road as I could. Opened the door and whipped it out. Now mind you, this is like 3pm in the afternoon on a Saturday. Further consider this is a Trans Am and I am 6'4" tall. Anyway I took aim and was ultimately successful in extinguishing the fire.

The part I didnt really consider was how many people saw me doing this.....and the piss that got all over everything else in the interior. It was too cold for me to use my shirt to wipe it up with and I had no other rags.... So I ended up taking my underwear off along side the interstate then putting my jeans back on and using my drawers to wipe up the piss all over the place....Good times
 
Man that must have smelled good on hot summer days! Buy more tree air fresheners!
 
Well one of my buddies decided to get married on New Years eve, probably to save on that year's taxes. Of course during the reception a couple of us decided to head to the parking lot to do a few things to his '69 bronco like good friends do. We did the usual with tying cans to string onto the bumper and shoe polishing the windows. We also saw a paper recycle bin near by so we wadded up enough paper to fill the cab. I ran inside and grabbed some velveta cheese slices, popped the hood and placed them on top of his exhaust manifolds. Not sure if you've had the pleasure of smelling burned cheese but its rancid! They came out and laughed at everything and cleared it out. Then proceeded to drive to the coast which is about 1.5-2 hours away. He said he barely made it out of town when they started to smell something. Thinking it was probably a dead animal along the road they drove on. A few miles down the road the smell got worse. They stopped and looked under the truck to see if there was any sign of what it could be but it was late, dark and starting to snow. Half way to the beach he said it was so rank they had to pull over to get out and get fresh air. Leaving the rest area they came up with the plan to drive with the windows down for as long as they could stand the cold and then roll them up for as long as they could stand the smell without puking. They made it to their destination and the next morning he went out and popped the hood to look around and could only see a few black chared marks on the manifolds. I almost couldn't stop from laughing when he told me. The rest of his trip was fine.....once the cheese burned off.
 
Here we go again. I went to breakfast with a couple co-workers. We all ordered this "hash crash", man these are so good....hash browns, eggs, bacon, vegis, sausage, etc, etc. Well we all usually put on a healthy heap of salsa or hot sauce on it just to liven it up. Buddy #1 stepped up to the plate and helped himself to a healthy heap of habinero sauce. As we are eating one of my co-workers (buddy #2) starts mentioning he just went in to get his 2 best friends cut off, apparently HE was cut off 'till he went in to get it done. He said it was a such an easy process and he was out of there in minutes! I said if it was so damn easy why didn't you just man up and do it yourself? All you need is a mirror, knife and a tube of orajel to numb those puppies up! Buddy #1 just shuved his mouth full when I said that and he busted up laughing but snorted during his chuckle. As you can imagine, up his nose goes that habinero sauce and oh baby!!!! His face turned beat red and he started sweating and gasping then grabbing any liquid on the table to put out the flames. My other buddy said he didn't know what was funnier, my comment or watching the other guys reaction to the snorting the hot sauce! By the way, almost 2 hours later he could still feel the pain. Ha ha ha!!
 
a year or two ago i had this friend, she was definantly not the brightest crayon in the box. well she was telling me and a few of my friends how her right blinker wasn't working and her headlights seemed dim. we all looked at each other and told her she needed headlight fluid and blinker fluid, to this day she still thinks they take fluid...
my teachers used to pick on her also, they had her "look for the key to the batters box" "look for left handed scissors" and "look for the switch to the rain delay" i about died laughing when she looked for them. WOMEN. haha
 
I wasn't sure if I should tell this story, as it requires reliving one of my not so great moments. But someone already brought up 1 guy getting the twins tied off....so... (curious ain't ya?)

Anyhow. I had gone up to my folks house to visit them (they knew I was coming) and they weren't home. No big deal, me and the wife grabbed some lawn chairs that were out front and decided to just hang out for a bit. Well we had just been out to lunch and it was a hot day so I had drank an awful lot of soda. Long story short, bathroom break was fast approaching. Now if my folks had lived in a nice place out in the boonies I would have just watered some of the local vegetation. But as it so happened they lived in the middle of a small city and cars were a pretty normal occurrence. Not to mention the houses were packed pretty tight together and she had some pretty nosy neighbors. So I called them up to once again give them crap for not giving me a key to their house (they were always gone when we got there lol) and they told me the same thing they always told me. Go through the fence in the backyard and in the back door. Had dogs in the backyard so they didn't lock the back door normally. So I walk to the back yard and try the fence gate...it has a pad lock on it. So gotta climb over (I at no point considered that holding it in would be ok). I start climbing over. Now I am a fairly big guy and I like to have some room in my jeans so they are a little baggy and not exactly conducive to climbing a chain link fence. Pants kept getting caught on the top of the fence as I straddled it and I couldn't get over. So I decided the hell with it, it is now or never. Threw my 2nd leg over the fence and dropped straight down. Heard a tear, looked down and my pants were torn. Cussed for a second over the torn pants (they were one of my good pairs too!) and started to walk towards the back door. And I....felt....something....not quite right. A dull ache that starts before the real pain begins. Decided, I should.....check myself. Reached down, did a quick feel and came up with a bloody hand. Opened the back door, hurried in. Unlocked the front door. Went pee, as it was still a priority (being very careful). Then started to get the shakes. Grabbed my cell, called my wife out front and told her what happened and that I was probably going into shock. She came in, did a cursory examination (only time I have had no interest in her while she was that close to lil' pete) and said she'd be right back as she went to get bandages. She made it into the next room before she started dry heaving! Now I know my wife has a weak stomach, but at this point I was not appreciating her condition as it convinced me that I was about to have something fall off that I considered fairly important. She came back, got me bandaged up. And we went to the hospital. I always tell people I loved my dr, as he had a very gentle touch and he was amazing with anesthesia. Didn't feel a bit of those 14 stitches....yes 14. Figured I had truly earned my man card. All this and nary a tear or complaint. But my wife see's it a different way. She likes to remind me that I am a man indeed, a man who has been in stirrups...

Also, I now have a key to my folks house.


Now I realize having told this story that there may be some jokes. So I will tell you the same thing I told my dr. Be gentle lol.
 
arsinist01 said:
I wasn't sure if I should tell this story, as it requires reliving one of my not so great moments. But someone already brought up 1 guy getting the twins tied off....so... (curious ain't ya?)

Anyhow. I had gone up to my folks house to visit them (they knew I was coming) and they weren't home. No big deal, me and the wife grabbed some lawn chairs that were out front and decided to just hang out for a bit. Well we had just been out to lunch and it was a hot day so I had drank an awful lot of soda. Long story short, bathroom break was fast approaching. Now if my folks had lived in a nice place out in the boonies I would have just watered some of the local vegetation. But as it so happened they lived in the middle of a small city and cars were a pretty normal occurrence. Not to mention the houses were packed pretty tight together and she had some pretty nosy neighbors. So I called them up to once again give them crap for not giving me a key to their house (they were always gone when we got there lol) and they told me the same thing they always told me. Go through the fence in the backyard and in the back door. Had dogs in the backyard so they didn't lock the back door normally. So I walk to the back yard and try the fence gate...it has a pad lock on it. So gotta climb over (I at no point considered that holding it in would be ok). I start climbing over. Now I am a fairly big guy and I like to have some room in my jeans so they are a little baggy and not exactly conducive to climbing a chain link fence. Pants kept getting caught on the top of the fence as I straddled it and I couldn't get over. So I decided the hell with it, it is now or never. Threw my 2nd leg over the fence and dropped straight down. Heard a tear, looked down and my pants were torn. Cussed for a second over the torn pants (they were one of my good pairs too!) and started to walk towards the back door. And I....felt....something....not quite right. A dull ache that starts before the real pain begins. Decided, I should.....check myself. Reached down, did a quick feel and came up with a bloody hand. Opened the back door, hurried in. Unlocked the front door. Went pee, as it was still a priority (being very careful). Then started to get the shakes. Grabbed my cell, called my wife out front and told her what happened and that I was probably going into shock. She came in, did a cursory examination (only time I have had no interest in her while she was that close to lil' pete) and said she'd be right back as she went to get bandages. She made it into the next room before she started dry heaving! Now I know my wife has a weak stomach, but at this point I was not appreciating her condition as it convinced me that I was about to have something fall off that I considered fairly important. She came back, got me bandaged up. And we went to the hospital. I always tell people I loved my dr, as he had a very gentle touch and he was amazing with anesthesia. Didn't feel a bit of those 14 stitches....yes 14. Figured I had truly earned my man card. All this and nary a tear or complaint. But my wife see's it a different way. She likes to remind me that I am a man indeed, a man who has been in stirrups...

Also, I now have a key to my folks house.


Now I realize having told this story that there may be some jokes. So I will tell you the same thing I told my dr. Be gentle lol.
Click to expand...


lil' pete..............................

Actually, almost the same thing happened to a bud of mine back in high school days, not stitches but a puncture on a chain link fence, we laughed until we saw one of the toughest kids in school start to cry, then we knew it was serious.........although it's still pretty funny to this day.
 
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