Friends that you had to let go.

[Cranky]

Loner here. Nothing to do about it. Linda says others don’t appreciate my humor. It’s surprising that the boys here put up with as much as they do. Recently met up with some co workers of my past. More like a misfit reunion.

Misfit reunion....reminds me of the group that ate lunch together at work. The lunch room was more like a domino hall and freaking noisy so one of the guys got the wood shop (yup, the Central Shop had one those) to build us a table out of 2x4's edgeways for us and we placed it by the door at the north end of the shop behind a row of lathes. Then he got them to cut a piece of 1/2" thick Lexan for the top. Charge number for that? Who knows what section got that bill. Anyways, we got tagged with the name Back Door Boys. Sometimes it was hard to eat because we were laughing so much. And anyone sitting at that table had to have a very thick skin! There was always at least 6 guys there and sometimes a few more. Btw, that table was freaking heavy!

 

[Scott Engelhardt]

I let go of 2 brother in laws. Constantly borrowing my stuff, it got to the point that I had to writs everything down or I would never get anything back. Trailers were the worst. Wife’s brother used one of my enclosed trailers to move all 3 of his kids to college and back , not to mention his mother in law many times. When he finally bought his own inclosed trailer, he hid it so no one would borrow it.
Hell I could go on and on about my bucket truck, car trailer, wood chipper, well you get the idea. I just got everything I own back and say no. I buy this stuff so I can have it not have to go look for it every time I need it.

 

[Don selleck]

recently had a very good childhood friend who I hadn't seen much since the eighties, that i reconnected with about 10 years ago, pretty much a guy who never wanted to do much in life but talk about others and see what can be had for cheap or free ( a user). Well he reconnected with his high school sweetheart after they both had offspring and divorced about the same time I reconnected with him. To sum it up his woman got cancer and was battling it for about the last 5 years and finally died from it. He stopped by after her passing and all he talked about was getting the house in his name so her daughters didn't get it, and which one of her friends he was gonna hook up with. Makes me sick to even talk to him, try to keep myself scarce when he wants to stop by or call, so I don't say something stupid, like the truth. seeing people for who they are becomes alot clearer as you grow old.

 

[Kern Dog]

Some people say that a man's friends are a reflection of him.
I agree with that in some ways.
The guy that I wrote about that painted his house 4 times....He had a bad temper and would destroy things when he got really mad. He'd go from polite and calm to completely out of control in an instant. That started to rub off on me and my own temper started to get worse. Being rid of that guy was good for me in many ways.
Another guy I know isn't a conversation manipulator but has had a history of stealing and cheating things. He'd go to junkyards and buy something with a warranty, then return something other than the part he bought just to get refunds. He'd take supplies from the jobs he worked. When I complained about how California doesn't arrest shoplifters and that it is the legitimate, paying customers who end up covering the losses, he was unapologetic. I've lost all respect for asshole losers like that.

 

[68BabyBlue]

Some people say that a man's friends are a reflection of him.
I agree with that in some ways.
The guy that I wrote about that painted his house 4 times....He had a bad temper and would destroy things when he got really mad. He's go from polite and calm to completely out of control in an instant. That started to rub off on me and my own temper started to get worse. Being rid of that guy was good for me in many ways.
Another guy I know isn't a conversation manipulator but has had a history of stealing and cheating things. He'd go to junkyards and buy something with a warranty, then return something other than the part he bought just to get refunds. He'd take supplies from the jobs he worked. When I complained about how California doesn't arrest shoplifters and that it is the legitimate, paying customers who end up covering the losses, he was unapologetic. I've lost all respect for asshole losers like that.

I had a former boss who said, "you are who you hang with."

 

[Don selleck]

 

[Scott Engelhardt]

I used to golf with a guy that would loose his temper, I began to act just like him and golf was no longer fun so I quit golfing. I quit hanging out with him. Started again with a different friend, I began to enjoy it again. One morning I was playing poorly and started to loose my temper, so I walked to my truck and went home. The next morning the guys asked why I left I told them I was loosing my temper and did not want to ruin their morning.

 

[Detective D]

I had a tight group of friends all through school.
I think everyone has a few that you lose when you go from "little kid" into high school, people change. I had a group that by end of school was small but very tight.
One went off to college and became a opt smoking idiot and became so obnoxious with sarcastic humor I just quit calling him and visiting.
Another went down to college in a big city and just got so full of himself and his opinions he was ignored by basically everyone in short order.

The rest we all went along for about 5-6 years just fine.
Year 7 or 8, I had met my wife and was married with a kid by now, first of our group. One buddy had gone to CA for a lawyer job and when he came back EVERYTHING was about money and appearences. I grew up so poor.... well I will just say my family was big and dairy farming in WI in the 80's was not a good profession(but I would never trade how I was raised) so this guy's attitude change was like sandpaper to me.
The other 3 guys? Well, two stayed single for a couple more years. Saw them regular, got calls.
The other met a lady that hated my guts on sight for I never did find out why. Get Christmas cards from him, but I think he sneaks them out from work.
The other guy met a gal, flew out of the country to get married on a beach and I have never even met her despite them living about 2 hours away.

One thing the tight group all had in common: It ended up being all on me, every time, to reach out and see how they were. Maybe they all picked up facebook or something, maybe it was them moving, I don't know. But I was first to buy my own home by almost 4 years, to this day have a landline phone number that goes back a couple decades, and my address never changes. I stopped reaching out, and not one of them called or stopped in(one guy's parents live a mile away) in the last 15 years, a few of them it has been over 20 now. That was it. No hard feelings or anything else, we always enjoyed each other's company, made jokes, but at some point I got tired of being the one "looking" for them, wherever they were with whatever new flip phone or whatever phone number from a new carrier etc. or new address or whatever because they were still single and sorting their careers. The one guy sends Christmas cards with his now adult kids I have never met but he won;t call.

It has been so many years I don't mind anymore. I got used to doing things on my own growing up, my wife is my best friend, I have my siblings and my wife's siblings to golf or do whatever with, so it's fine.
haven't really lost friends since, but then, haven't made any close enough to feel like a "loss" if I didn;t hear from them anymore since then either. Buddies at the bar, or at work, but that's about it. Any "home time" is spent with family and extended family now.

 

[DeltaV]

Those that:
Treated their girlfriends poorly.
Became petty criminals, or worse.
Became liars


____________________
That being said, how many times have we seen old friends shun or break ties with long-time friends because their girlfriend or fiancee/wife decided his friends were no good, but hers were perfect?

 

[Kern Dog]

I had a buddy that met a woman that had low self esteem. She had a sister that was a complete knockout—- gorgeous and with a great body. The buddy’s girl was average at best.
I think this made her abrasive and clingy.
The shrew made hanging around my buddy a chore. She’d do what she could to monopolize his time so he was too busy for friends. I swore he’d wake up and dump the skank but I saw them a few months ago… still together after 33 years.
She is fat.
I’d sure like to see how her sister looks.

 

[Gus chiggins]

Biggest thing for me these days is people who are always on their goddamned phones. Sit to have a meal...look at the phone. Check the messages. Lapse in conversation (to...you know...eat a bite of food), they start browsing something-or-other.

And of course, the "next generation" of this annoyance? The smart watch. "DING", look at watch. "DING", look at watch. Pick up phone to reply with a text. "DING", look at watch.

Pavlov would be so proud.

Yes, i can't believe how people can go out to dinner, and they are on their GD phone ffs the whole time. I observed young couples not even conversing, but had their faces buried in their phones. Zero situational awareness especially in this day, and age.

 

[440 4 speed]

Yes, i can't believe how people can go out to dinner, and they are on their GD phone ffs the whole time. I observed young couples not even conversing, but had their faces buried in their phones. Zero situational awareness especially in this day, and age.

We are going to insist, turn off your phones at a gathering in a restaurant or maybe other venues. I don’t like visiting people who have more important things to do than visit with us.
Especially family.

 

[Sahara]

If we are out with people and they are focused on their phone we suddenly find something more important that we need to do and leave. Taking a call discreetly is one thing, constantly scrolling because your phone is more interesting then me is another.

 

[GetX'd]

Yeah, I have a lot in common with what many of you have said. I don't want to write out my litany because it too is more than I'd like to see. A fair amount of my things is having a number of corporate moves and having to leave people behind, however was always the one that tried to stay in touch. The big one was to SoCal which I've now been for quite some time. Very hard to make solid friends here. So much is just not of my midwest culture (Like none). People are nowhere near the same and that's the reason I resisted coming here in the first place. People don't socialize after work and if you live more than a few miles from someone for them it's too much trouble to get together. Not a big deal for me - but geeze you wouldn't believe it. Phone calls, nah easier for them to text if at all. Reasonably involved, articulate back and forth conversations rarely happen. Not dumb people just not really that interested in doing so. So much self absorption out here it's disgusting. I've gotten to stop checking in with guys I've stayed in touch for decades from back home only to discover what i didn't want to - If I didn't make contact neither did they. Friends of many decades. Distance has created that issue I guess. I always went back home twice a year and always made and had plenty of contact. initiated by both. The last couple of years things seem to have changed a lot even w/family. And I won't even get into one of my brothers that checks every box KD brought up - and he lives only 60m from me. It's his all about me personality. Extremely difficult for me to be around. Now days as we get older I see a big change in people and one that really bothers me - but I can't change it so I no longer try to. But it makes me sad as a very social person. This whole 20m people area here - there's more lonely people than anywhere in the country. So many talk about it but don't anything to change it. It's just part of the culture. And now it's infected the homeland too. Unless you're right there no one can be bothered.

Sorry - wrote more than i wanted to - but to say anything .....
I so love my wife and best friend. Wouldn't know what to do w/o her. But we're different in that she doesn't need any external companionship outside of her family and me. She doesn't need to have friends - althou she's very social around others and enjoys herself and others really enjoy her. She just doesn't reach out. For her her faith and family and some kind of internal calm spirit she has is all she needs. I don't have that. Wish I had at least some.

And there's soooo much more. But I'll say good night Gracie...

 

[WileE]

Not sure if it's by accident, or a blessing by the Lord, but I have friends from over 60 years to a few years to a few months; from neighborhood, from schools, from business, from social functions, etc. And I don't ever recall parting with any friend on bad terms, other than just losing in touch by life's circumstances, or by their passing. And I can't even think of a bad word I could say about any friend, past or present. What I can say for sure, is that each and every one has enrichened my life immensely, and I am grateful for them as part of my life, and can only hope they feel the same.

 

[moparedtn]

Here in small town USA, I met a fellow in the 90's who had a computer shop in town and also wrote for a
local newspaper at the time. He was educated, smart and a genuine wit - and usually was the smartest guy
in whatever room he walked into, although he never acted like it. He had integrity and was raised right...
He had a razor-sharp funny bone and he and I hit it off from the get-go.

His forte' with his writing in those days was digging out and reporting on local corruption in government and
he was darn good at it. I actually helped him with such stuff from time to time, too - I saw the need in this
town that has the typical clique of "insiders" that circle the wagons around one another.
He'd swear he'd never run for office in those days - he was as disgusted with them as I was.

Well, over the years, that all changed.
He came under pressure from the powers that be, mostly because he did all his business and personal banking
with the locally-based (and eventually, federally investigated) bank that was run by a powerful "Boss Hogg" type.
He eventually quit the small paper and the other partner of that paper actually took his family and moved out
of state from the threats and pressure...

One day, he decides to run for an empty spot on the town Aldermen list and won (he's quite the popular fella
in town, anyways) and I saw "the change" begin in him. He became a little more arrogant, a little more
stand-offish - and with time, began to believe his own "press".
I'd still see him sometimes and we'd goof on each other as always - but it was changing....

Then he ran for county mayor, which blew my mind - especially when he had spent so much time ragging on
us "county folks" that he saw as inferior rednecks to the more sophisticated townies, you know.
At that point, the change in him - that exponentially-inflated ego of his formerly humble self - got to be more
than I could stand and I started calling him "Pillar" (of the community, get it?) in an effort to get him mindful
of just how insufferable he was becoming.
It didn't work....and he started resenting me as an instigator instead.

Final straw was recently, when the county commissioners tried to pass our first "pandora's box" of a resolution
that would have introduced not only zoning but a whole host of other regulations as well.
Come to find out, he was behind that...
Me being me, the moment I found out about it, I joined forces with other fiercely independent folks out here
and raised pure hell about it, to the point the elected folks began fearing for their safety (there was no actual
threat; they just precious snowflaked on the whole thing and over-reacted).
Eventually, the resolution was withdrawn amongst all sorts of promises to "never bring it up again".
Yeah, horseshit...but we're watching now, which is a good thing.
There was huge outcry for him to resign, to be recalled...hell, some wanted a rope and a tree.

How did my former good friend the county mayor deal with all the backlash?
By trying to claim he had simply overlooked what was in the resolution, like he was dumb or some such.
Yeah - smartest guy in the room, who had secretly pushed it to begin with, "missed" what was in it, eh?
No he didn't - and although he apologized, he wasn't actualy sorry for some fabled "mistake" - he was
sorry they got caught before sneaking that bill through, simply put.
I actually tried to stem some of the more vitriolic hatred amongst the pissed off and become a sort of
mediator between him and the public he serves - and instead, both sides started to turn on me.
Didn't matter - as a voice of reason, I was just satisfied the bill got squashed.

My last recent conversation with my former good friend, just recently, ended with my telling him out
of frustration (and yes, sadness) how much he had changed into that which he swore 25 years ago he
never would - "you've changed from the man I grew to admire so much in those days" I said.
He shot back with "that's the problem with you, Ed - you haven't changed a bit".
He meant it as some sort of ultimate put-down....
Instead, I took it as a form of praise - my own integrity hadn't wavered and I never succumbed to
any pressure and wound up selling out as he had.

We haven't spoken since. Sad, but I'm good with it.

 

[Kern Dog]

You have to wonder if that guy was in a way "silenced" from the newspaper gig by being bribed/enticed/lured into public service under the guise of being the voice of sanity in an insane political system.

 

[moparedtn]

You have to wonder if that guy was in a way "silenced" from the newspaper gig by being bribed/enticed/lured into public service under the guise of being the voice of sanity in an insane political system.

No doubt about it - he was pretty much bullied into compliance - to stop reporting the dubious deeds of the folks
"in the circle" in town, because the bank had all his loans and assets in-house.
From there, they stroked his ego until he became slowly absorbed into their "Borg", as it were.

I have always made it a point to never give the political powers any way to bring to bear any pressure on me.
I know most of them (it's a small town, after all). It drives them nuts they got nothing on me - but they still
greet me in public with that sort of superficially friendly smile stuff.

 

[Cranky]

Someone mentioned losing friends to that death word. My x brother in law and I became friends after my divorce not that we weren't already before but just better. Prostate cancer got him and another long time friend fairly recently. Seems not as easy to make new friends around here these days.....

 

[Kern Dog]

It definitely is harder to make friends not so much because we are older but because older folks aren’t involved in activities where people are gathered together.
Class rooms.
Employer break rooms
Night clubs and bars.
I know that my circle of friends is bigger because of this forum. We have been to each other’s places and worked on cars together.
The Mopar car club is another resource. I met a few guys there that resulted in some great scores on parts as well as friendships.